and while your girlfriend wears your relationship pants, i'll be wearing my ecstasy pants
You stuck your head out the window to puke and got hit with a mailbox.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to cum to Chingy?!
Eventually evolution will just give us a better liver anyway, so our great great grandkids should THANK us for our binge drinking.
There's always the 'not have sex with the drunk girl I just met at some party' option.
That was the plan but Tequila showed up at the party too.
dude, i woke up with a mini keg on my night stand. again. like wtf
How can I explain how nice he is to you? ...like, I'm going to have to have my world famous why being a douche is sexy talk.
He can keep it, but if he asks for anything else i'm just going to start pissing on things.
YOU MAKE ANAL SEX SOUND LIKE A SPORTING EVENT
And I must've sleep walked to the fridge cause when I woke up, there I was, balls deep in a fudge pop.
Mom just walked in with a bag of weed and funyuns. I'll talk to you later.
I tried to get more sleep but the universe decided I needed a drunken freshman instead
I wonder how many people saw me whip my junk out and bang it on the light post in front of holabird bar and liquors last night. I'm about tired of having to do that.
Nobody saw you except the people in the bar, because you weren't outside. You were inside, and you were smacking it on the mens bathroom door handle
I really hate whoever invented fireball.
As you were leaving you yelled at the owners that the stairs weren't suitable for "intoxacapated" people and promptly fell down them.
So I WAS right.
My new favorite word is dickbag. I think its relevant here. And I say that with all the love in the world.
Randomize
