i just woke up in the woods behind my house in handcuffs and a dan marino jersey ive never seen before
friends with benefits? more like friends with awkward sexual tension
i went to a real vip club. the bathroom attendant was wiping down counters after girls wearing gucci did lines of coke on them. where did MY life go wrong
His hospital is closing...I consider it "sorry you're losing your job" sex.
I just saw the list where the U.S. doesn't even rank in the top 10 in drinking countries. I know its Tuesday but....its for America
Now he's lighting his socks on fire
My shirt is ruined. If I ever get the idea of doing a tequila shot through my nose ever again, shoot me.
All is not lost. The bondage chair came with repair seals and glue. It's like the knewwwwwww this would happen.
Now that we both have boys can we make up games that objectify them as sex toys?
I don't know which part of you thought this was funny but it's fucked up to wake up in that much fluff and now we don't have a couch. Fuck you.
So stoned i forgot i was in bed
There is a BIG difference between doing coke and getting peed on and getting peed on FOR coke
Yeah. Still not happy that my prof saw a picture of my vag.
We were cuddling in his bed and I asked him a question and followed by making a microphone with my hand and told him to speak into it. If he never talks to me again that's probably why.
she hand cuffed me to the bed naked, jumped off the dresser naked, hit her head on the fan and knocked herself out. when her mom came home i had to call her for help, she could have died man...
Randomize
