So drunk, too bad you don't want this
please stop taking shits in my toilet and leaving them there.
captain morgan taught me last night that resee's puffs are way better when eaten straight out of the sink.
It took me four clicks to get to 2009 on his profile. This can't work.
I found your Halloween costume. I think you shit yourself last night
I sang "A Whole New World" while I took his virginity
That is awesome that you did that.
hope your day is as exciting as mine- one of our trauma patients just stole an ambulance out of our bay... WITH AN EMT STILL IN IT.
So this bar tattoo not looking that great now
We were having a serious discussion about Blue's Clues and I just kept thinking, 'you've seen me naked'.
Have you ever been so drunk you pass out in the cab and everyone goes inside and forgets about you? I have
While he was at a job interview yesterday, I was dropping acid. So that's the aesthetic of our relationship rn.
My favorite bra is missing and I smell like beer and bad decisions. This is definitely a sign that hoe mode is activated.
May I the honors of taking your dick tonight?
The honor would be all mine.
Somehow I don't think offering me edibles is what dad meant by checking in on me
They're the hard candy kind!
It's weird having sex with someone you actually like
Randomize
