garbage
garbage dick
rubbish cock
you win
I'm peeing chunks and puking liquid. Did I at least have fun last night?
It had been so long since my last time that it was easily a double helping of stomach pancakes. I think she was mildly impressed.
Never have I ever before welcomed her period with such enthusiasm. She was starting to pick out baby names. She got me "What to Expect When You're Expecting."
beyond obliterated. i recall legitimately trying to use a ballpoint pen as eyeliner.
There will be two dogs there to provide supervision. Not to worry.
Is it love? I honestly haven't even thought about watching porn for over a week now, and haven't thought about fucking any strangers either. It's quite eerie.
he kept saying that we were in ian's fun time place and then continued to act like a dinosaur.
You should just construct a mini-city, actually. Then destroy, photograph and post. Who could turn down a dick that conquered a whole city? Craigslist personals wont know what hit it.
I climbed out of the shower to him sitting on the floor trimming his pubes with nail clippers, we both just started laughing at how drunk we were
All of my Tinder matches have neck tattoos. It's like God wants me to go to jail again.
Somehow i instagrammed my acceptance letter while blacked out. Then my grandma was the first to comment on it. I got over 50 likes....Phd here I come....
So you thought it was a good idea to make plans for the same time same place with the guy you were sort of dating AND his best friend you slept with?
Ah Christ I think I've reached the single life mentality 100%. I just inquired a photographer about a photo shoot with my dog.
You kept crying and I couldnt help but laugh at you, I was really high though.
Randomize
