Let's hustle tonight so we can relax tomorrow
Perfect. Like where your heads at
By relax I mean have sex
the couple across the street's about to bang. go get the popcorn and come join us.
Right when I walked into the party my boyfriend stood up and yelled, "HEY TITS, GET ME A BEER!"
No.. It's totally over.. He deleted the poke I sent him.. That makes it official.
i am exhausted. it's been years. we both know his dick is small. the jig is up.
JUST SAW MY DRUG DEALER SOBER AND GOING TO CLASS. This is weird, its almost like he's an actual student whio leaves his room...
I found out you can't leave the bar with a drink. I also found out that pouring it on the bouncers shoes is also unacceptable.
Is that a tongue signal to get over there? That's how my two heads are taking it.
It's a toss up. They'll either laugh and watch you drunkenly fuck on the beach or they'll throw you deep in Mexican jail.
People spilled so much that there was a thin film of beer on the floor. You took a running start, screamed, "SLIP AND SLIDE!" and slid face first through the drywall.
I am about to embark upon a south Boston wedding....
Hydrate.
Current status: Finding an unwrapped portion of Subway sandwich in my purse at the pharmacy counter & picking pieces of tomato off my wallet while the pharmacist watches disdainfully.
Did you offer her some?
If only. Current status: Not that clever.
So i woke up this morning to find my boss passed out on my living room floor.. Awkward? Haha
For someone I see at the bar by herself all the time... I should have know she had a tazer.
I felt like a slutty ass cruella devil driving your old car, And I got in a fight with your wipers
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