Call me so I can make it juicy for ya
Do u think I can claim pregnancy as an accident so my insurance covers it?
You weren't lying about those ceramics students giving the best hand jobs.
I listened to the last 10 minutes of that 20 minute voicemail, it's solid gold. At one point he literally suggests we buy tasers and go around shooting people.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
just saw way to many penises for it being 5 o'clock on a thursday
The only reason anyone found out he threw up is because everyone heard it sizzle the bonfire out.
I want a calm night. Not one where I wake up to you topless and bloody.
it's my favorite when the couple downstairs are having sex so loud that i feel like I'm part of a threesome
second-hand sex is fun, isn't it?
I miss the "How many Grindr hits can I get while performing in an elementary school?" game.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I almost spit out my drink. But only almost, because it was vodka. And you don't spit out vodka.
He ripped my sink off my bathroom wall and then threw up in it.
I can't believe I'm coordinating a threesome at work. My productivity is at an all time low.
That jawline could fucking have its way with me.
He said a lot of nice things about me, it was really uncalled for.
I can’t believe you’re letting her use the Mercedes
It seemed like a better idea while she was giving me a hand job. It’s a good thing we weren’t having sex. Who knows what I would agree to during sex
Randomize