I just saw how many times I called you last night. You're welcome.
i'm gonna be such a cougar when i'm older...i just facebook stalked my little sister's 13 yr old boyfriend while drinking a bottle of wine....
I'm currently trying to figure out how I woke up naked and handcuffed to my bed. Not real worried about class right now.
My porch is a mess of peanut butter and tostitos...thanks for that.
it makes more sense than having a misplaced asshole
im not talking about this
then you gave the doctors and nurses bloody high fives
Wait time out. Did I start last night with pants?
so the last visual we have of him for the next 87 weeks is him outside on the ground rolling around yelling I HATE BLOWJOBS
You spilled spaghetti on the floor, and kept telling the noodles to "settle down" as you tried to clean it up
There will be two dogs there to provide supervision. Not to worry.
Highlight of the night: paying my cell phone bill at the bar... I need to get laid.
the last thing I heard was you screaming as the rodeo team herded you to the next party
Please tell me there is not a bookmark on your browser with the title "Christmas Porn"
I just tried to lit a bowl with my chapstick.
i had sex with a girl named after a fruit last night and it was the best thing to happen to me in 2020
Randomize
