Bc you can definitely buy condoms if ur a 14 year old girl
The verizon commercial has a magical pinata. Candy just keeps coming out. It must be a portal to a candy universe.
He asked if it was my vagina. I told him it was my butt. Clearly I need to buy him a map of the female form.
yeah, I said "hi, I'm the creepy old guy at the college bar" and she said that she like mature men, wasn't expecting that line to work
come parachute off the vicodin airplane with meee
Maybe it was silver. I don't know. I was drunk sifting through my dogs vomit.
Also, sorry about chilling in just the towel last night. You know I have ADD and somehow even after looking at you, I forgot I'm not the only person living there right now
SHUN THE NONBELIEVERS. THUS SAYS THE NIPPLE LORD
I guess I just don't understand how the two main issues with your ex involve a cock ring and a Christmas tree
I or someone else dumped a lot of glitter into my boobs last night.
Hey do u remember the time we used my mascara wand as a drink stirer?
What's a professional way to say get your shit in gear?
For someone who's supposed to be gay Greg is really good at seducing me into things I don't wanna do
That 2-CB was ass.
You mean the asprin cut with pez?
she bought my drinks all night, made me breakfast in the morning, and let me use her expensive hair products before i left. best one night stand ever.
Randomize
