one two three fourrrrnication!
So then I told him that only a restaurant managed by a florida fan could run out of ketchup
I'm watching this guy on intervention hospitalized for liver damage. He's drinking the hand sanitizer in the hospital room. Say hello to your future.
Have you fucked anyone in the hospital yet because obviously this illness isnt worth it unless you do. I MISS YOUR HEALTH
Most adult booty call ever. Ha. We got down to business and still got to watch the colbert report.
probably one of the worst weekends ever... i got peed on by his sleepwalking roommate.
Well I don't think you can suck his dick while he's making pizza. I think that goes against some health codes.
I have a half pound of weed, a case of beer, 8 frozen pizzas and a hard dick. You have a high tech super-bong and a chest of sex toys. That's our vacation week right there.
like, by the end of my shift people were asking if I'd sobered up enough to take a drink order yet. that bad.
Can we talk about how she only slept with you because you remind her of a member of a K-pop group?
Fucked him in a graveyard. Need plan b.
Oh man I missed being single! Two different guys just sent me dick pics during my kid’s little league game.
He hit me with his bagpipe
Isnt that against the lesbian handbook?
I hate being the first one to text him all the time...I feel like Iook desperate to get laid when the reality is that im just really horny and he has a/c...
Sorry. Im too sleepy to penis.
Randomize
