I sent out a mass text that said "margaritas for Jesus?" and nobody responded, worst Easter ever.
I'm sorry you missed class, the topic today is copy and paste. I'm not even kidding.
I have only been in this city 3 nights and there are already 4 bars I can never go back to again.
I am only moving my arms so I remember that I can. These brownies are wild.
If im still in the bathroom puking when the sirens go off please distract the cops.
who put toothpaste on EVERY doorknob in my house?!
She tried to kill herself by taking a whole packet of panadol. I mean HELLO THAT'S ME EVERY SUNDAY MORNING.
He just dragged himself across the floor on his back claiming to be "the swiffer" help
Sorry I can't go bowling with you guys. I'm getting daytime dick. That's the best kind.
We held a candle light vigil outside the jail hoping for her release, until we realized we were drunk in the jail parking lot.
Super awkward when the coworker you made out with in exchange for molly last weekend keeps coming over to your cube and trying to talk to you
Uhh dog found a condom. FYI its on the table by couch please dispose of it. No reply Necessary
Our group of friends now have more broken bones than reasonable excuses for why they're broken.
I feel like every young boy's first wet dream is too have sex with the Pink Ranger. I am now fulfilling that dream for one man. I am a hero.
I remember is someone saying "I smell weed" and then having a room full of sober high school kids look at me.
Randomize
