The vibrating part of my dildo broke, now I have to rely on gyration.
he wouldn't shut up and let me sleep
yeah i got into a fight with my man last night
why can't men just shut up and put out?
I was about to go down on her and her dong flopped out and hit me in the chin. This may have a Nam like post-traumatic-stress-disorder effect on me.
I have a voicemail from Mike at 1am. He starts to say something, but then throws up instead.
just had cupcakes and mountain dew for dinner-now i'm playing super mario brothers. 10 year olds all over the world would kill to be me.
Its not personal, its just business. I'm the Donald Trump of blowjobs.
dont call me baby and dont touch my ears. ITS ALL I ASK
he's definitely still old enough to be your dad. even your grandfather, if you come from a line of juvenile delinquents
i just wrote an ode to an enchilada dorito. i'll need that pregnancy test now please.
if i can hear my landlord's phone ring you think be can hear my vibrator?
No matter how drunk I am or how drunk I'll ever be I love you
Let's go one conversation without mentioning cats or alcohol someday.
Found out my grandpa had two wives and found out I'm eligible for some internships 11/10 would do acid again.
Who would you rather hang with tonight, drunk me or high me?
is it still considered wake n bake if you wake up at 2 pm?
Randomize
