I think the phrase "bag of smashed assholes" describes it best
I may or may not have eaten the rest of your birthday cake last night after getting blazed and watching harry potter.
i think you have the wrong number
so then it wasn't your birthday cake. k, cool.
You make homosexuality sound like a cult.
that's the ideal party shoe. cute, but i can still puke in them.
My sole motivation for showering this morning was to masturbate. Something is wrong here...
If you bring me a slurpee and advil I will eat you out for like an hour.
Who wrote Most Moistest Dad on my chest and what the fuck does it mean?!?
It's all good. The CSI guy came and I played the theme song while he in was in our place. The cops even laughed.
Sometimes i like to think we arent living together next year and that im living with models that like to experiment but you ruin that fantasy time and time again
ATTENTION PENIS' OF BURLINGTON: I AM COMING FOR YOU
Goddamn it. Hes got me addicted to his penis
We went from him going down on me to swapping baby pictures of our moms.
Only thing that feels right is being horizontal in the fetal position
You had sex with a kid to spare him the shame of being a virgin. Evidence is on my side.
That's nice of you to be concerned, but I'm pretty confident I'll marry someone 30 years older than me, ride out being the trophy wife for 10 or 15 years, then live large!
Randomize
