like if someone fucked a dictionary but instead of having a penis, it was just one of those leap frog educational toys
I hope to god you are high
Weird. Haha. I guess taking advice from batman is a good idea.
Well i just learned hong kong is a country...thank you olympics
Last night she showed me how to clean my bowl and now she's drunk making peanut butter filled cookies. Best. Roommate. Ever.
She carries her pencils in a crown royal bag... Need I say more?
Hey! I was tired. I threw up in two parking lots yesterday.
The same guy who pierced my nipples just told me he can help tutor me in precalc.
How's my date look?
Like a retarded elf
In a good way
If you die first, I'm going to sleep with a pallbearer at your funeral.
"Fuck all you guys I'm going to be Cameltoe Spider-Man for Halloween."
But I'm currently thinking of all my bad decision making last night and giving myself a time out.
He had a clap on lamp. So every time he was ramming into me, the lights kept turning on and off
His wife just cheated on him for the third time. I'm his first extra-marital fling, that makes it ok, right? You know to keep karma balanced in the universe
Your logic is flawless...
he is sitting in the driveway by himself laughing at nothing, idk what to do
One a scale of one to hella drunk, how gracefully can I make it down those stairs
Randomize
