I took my vicodin with tequila. I can FEEL gravity...
I give you the lube, you make me the mac and cheese, that's a pretty fair deal I think.
Can u check his last FB check in, then come pick me up from there. Blame it on the tequila
I just bid on a $9000 car because I think its my ex-girlfriends. Yes I wanna hit that again.
He recognized me by my ass from about 15 yards away. I must have a REALLY nice ass.
The face that yo gabba gabba comes up when I'm stoned and searching for yoga workouts is scary or dangerous
Your topless pictures make me question reality
My tweets this weekend consisted of me telling every bar I went to that they were my favorite valentine. I've never felt like more of an alcoholic
just texted my dealer that i could taste the blue but not the cheese. i said i could taste blue.
she got the mcdonald's logo tattooed on her ass. sober. yesterday at noon.
My life is literally the worst. I was just laughing so hard at how hot they looked feeding each other the brownies and then I was like DON'T CRY
That broad from the bar put her name in my phone as "The girl I'm going to marry in 10 years".
THERE ARE SO MANY HOT DADS AT WHOLE FOODS
I was told i took a shot doing a headstand in the backseat then proceeded to barf all over my face
I had no idea you were so talented.
Damn. Looks like nobody I know is doing anything interesting. Guess it's another slut-it-up-with-strangers sort of night.
Randomize
