He started to lick my mole,thinking it was my nipple.
Do you think people stop being hipsters when they're naked? because that's what my research shows.
Last night you told her she was rocking the beer gut. Still wondering why you have that black eye?
I walked into the bathroom and the toilet was on fire... I stood there for like a minute trying to decide whether I should put it out or get my camera.
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once the "do it" chant starts, any shot at an even remotely dignified party experience is dead.
seriously who else gets carried home puking from a fucking mary kay party?
The sex was so good I went temporarily numb. Slightly embarrassing when she pointed out I was kissing my own arm.
I was just handed a bible on my walk of shame....are you there god? its tequila tuesday's hangover
There are panties and mini bottles of Fireball in my purse. Except for the broken toe incident, I'd say last night was probably a success.
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Woke up the day after the party with a bruise on my stomach. Pretty sure my liver was trying to escape for fear of it's life.
I'm wine drunk & this is not good news for anybody
At least you got some excitement going on, you got weed and might die tonight, I'm just sitting here bored as fuck.
Nothing says "i love you" more than flowers and potatoes
Just let me put on a bra and brush the alcohol out of my hair.
I got dominos and had to stop whilst eating and take a moment of silence for how good it was
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