I realized today that I should stop thinking so much with my vagina instead of my brain.
Please tell me this doesn't mean another "surprise road trip" where I spend all my money on gas and the SURPRISE destination is the abortion clinic.
But what if I pay for the gas?
I checked into jail on foursquare
I love you, but you should know I'll always ditch you for weed.
Just found out he cheated on me last night. But its Shark Week so I will deal with it next week.
yea last night was a repeat of newyears...exept this time it ivolved a fish costume, throw up, a hole in the roof, and cops...lots of cops
BEST FEELING EVER: Standing in a hot fucking shower, while super baked, while eating a cookie.
You eat cookies in the shower?
I bought him bourbon as a thank you for his apology. What is wrong with me?
You should imdb "mourning wood" to see what I'm doing with my $80,000 English degree today
new costume idea. paint swatches and a ball gag... I'll be 50 shades of grey.
Before he comes over remember the house standards. Ask yourself "will he stalk my sister or myself in the future?". If the answer is yes, then no, he isn't allowed.
Like we were literally doing coke off his insulin pump
Just taxi'd to the airport holding a zip lock bag of my own vomit. Bachelorette success.
He just made this face while he was fucking me and he looked like the hunchback of Notre Dame, I had to stop him.
Woke up from a black out in a strangers Jeep without phone, shoes, or wallet.
I twisted my ankle while drunkenly playing in my adult kickball league. Now I'm having to use my grandpa's cane to walk at this party. I am so single.
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