If I had a nickel for every time I've used a condom, I'd have... two nickels.
is it appropriate to call someone “ a tasty piece of bitch?” This is time sensitive.
Yeah. Fortunately, the road to Hell is paved with naked 21 year old girls.
Which beats the fuck out of good intentions.
it will be a sad day when drinking racks of keystone isnt socially acceptable anymore
So I made him an imaginary sandwich and told him that the day I didn't have to fake it, neither would he.
i mean he wasn't bad looking, but i wouldn't have slept with my professor if i knew everyone would get an A
You couldn't hold yourhead up but you managed to unzip my zipper. That's skill..
What's a good pandora station to masturbate to?
Im chasing shots of tequila with chocolate milk right now. by myself. its nasty, but I've had worse in tjere the past couple days, so ill take it.
My bathing suit kept falling whenever I went under a wave and this kid caught on and kept checking them out so I told him nothing comes free $5 a boob
Just bought weed from the ice cream man. The kid in front of me got a tootie fruitie.
It happened to me once. But i washed off in a duck pond and walked home naked.
Ugh. I just found a cum stain on my mermaid pants. Now I can't return them.
these past three weeks have been a real "fuck you" to my liver
Dude, A DAMN CHEESEBURGER HIT ME IN THE FACE!!! WTF was i suppoused to do!?.
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