i wish starbucks made bloody marys
you should buy a sheep. A) you get an awesome pet. B) free coat
Wait, we're on the hunt for addys and explosives. They're both in this house somewhere.
she might purposely get aids just to give it to you. I think she might hate you that much.
well the hot one passed out so thats that, but then the fat one made chicken nuggets....totally worth it
I obviously couldn't but this on your fbook wall. I would get judge. I would willingly get tbagged by him. You can quote me on that.
Before you even think your day was worse than mine, I had to disinfect and and stitch another dude's penis after his prince Albert got ripped out by an angry chick.
Celebrating anything "Eve" is never a good choice! I feel like my soul's been put in a blender on the "destroy" setting- in other news: Happy 4th of July
Last night I was just holding this kitten up to my face for like ten minutes telling it that it couldn't be real
he was having a black light party and drinking manischewitz wine out of a three foot tall trophy he stole from mcdonald's...that's when I decided it was time to leave
You were trust falling into bushes
My boss and I ended up at the same strip club. We both got lap dances while talking about work.
I have no regard for my liver, you should know this.
Jello shots? I thought you weren't drinking tonight.
Im not drinking im slurping
I smell like a mix of alcohol, sweat, and sex and its only 10 AM
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