if i'm ever as drunk as the girl in front of me... kill me.
i had the deer in headlights look when she walked in and i was digging in her hamper
We're exchanging pot brownie recipes in my substance abuse class. This is going to be an awesome 7 weeks.
He said he loved me so I pretended not to hear it because I don't think "I love your penis" was the response he was looking for.
These pubs in Ireland act like hand jobs aren't the universal currency
Ever have a day where u just waNna wake up get a blow job eat food and chill I just want today to be that day
Then she cat effected the picture of my dick I sent her the other night. I'm in love.
btw, whatever u do, dont try and take that towel away from her..i tried, it got ugly..she said some things im sure she regrets.
she pointed to my dick and said you are going to save the world
Binging muscle relaxers because when ur 33 you can no longer SHAKE IT LIKE A POLAROID PICTURE for 2hrs w/o consequences. Fuck you, Age.
Pretty sure at some point last night i said to myself "it'll be fun to completely lose my mind for a night"
Is it immoral to trade sex for the use of his laundry room?
Fuck me I smell like cheese
These snow days are takeing a toll on my liver
We told him to puke in the Denny's parking lot or we wouldn't be his friend anymore. So he did. He wasn't even drunk.
Randomize
