I drank too much. My snot smells like vodka when I blow my nose.
I didnt realize we were having a competition in poor decision making skills
how else could I explain the last few years
In your drunken brilliance did you make bagel with what appears to be mac and cheese smeared on top and pink icing dip? Because if so it is sitting on the counter
coming out of a blackout being surrounded by Disney police was not as awesome as it sounds.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He kept his baseball cap on when he went down on me...
he kept saying that we were in ian's fun time place and then continued to act like a dinosaur.
you texted me "dude im face"
it sounded so right at the time
You don't know commitment until you try and waterproof a non-waterproof vibrator
I woke up to a shattered My Little Pony garbage pail, a black eye I don't know how I got and no one will look me in the face. Fuck tequila.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He sent me a picture of a gas station condom and said "we probably shouldn't use this but if I was to impregnate someone on accident I'd want it to be you"
I'm glad you don't care about kids. That's one of your better qualities.
Better not shit yourself at the gym.
You faceplanted on the railroad tracks and when I tried to tell you to get up, you told me you were "taking a quick breather"
Also I think I set a new personal record. Definitely slept with him less than 45 minutes after meeting him. Oh god my life.
Only you would try street racing in a Volvo.
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