Are u religion class? I'm on my way, I have cum in my hair. tell u later.
based on who turned up here tonight the whole evening should just be called "mistakes i made when i was fat"
I'm glad girls dont get visible erections
But, it would have made life so much easier...
It's only 8pm and Karl already got a stripper fired.
There's gotta be a happy medium between the guys who only want to sleep with me and the ones that respect me too much to try to sleep with me.
I guess the study abroad went badly, I gave him a joint and he just smoked it and cried all the way from the airport
She's got a butler. A fucking butler. Shes like batman, but with a better ass.
My gut feeling that we had reached a new level of intimacy last night was confirmed early this morning when you sleep farted on penis.
I'm currently giving my drug dealer relationship advice. He's a nice guy and all but I'm really just hoping I get some free weed
I know you're aving fun across the room but I can clearly see you getting a handy. It's not as "low key" as she promised. Also, why are you texting while she's doing it?!
dying me prepared for dead me... i woke up with my laptop open to the last snl episode, a bottle of gatorade, advil and a bag of chocolate all next to me
Yeah. That's the shitty part. God, I don't want to be a step mom. Sure I'm great with kids, but I just want unlimited sex and not have to worry about making friends with a fucking 7 year old.
seriously considering getting an electric blanket rather than sleeping with guys this winter for warmth.
So high I legit spent 20mins in the shower just holding my tits cuz they feel bigger than normal.
OH MY GOD I AM DYING. AS I WAS TEXTING I JUST BUMPED INTO A MOTHER FUCKING DEER. I AM SHAKING
Wait...Literally? You hit a deer...with your body?!
I PHYSICALLY RAN INTO IT. I FELT ITS WEIRD HAIR AND I EVEN APOLOGIZED CAUSE IT DINDT REGISTER THAT IT WASNT A PERSON. MORTIFIED.
Randomize
