I can't get into him, he looks really young. I'd feel like I was blowing the Gerber baby.
Why wouldn't u just let me ride the washing machine
Who topped off the "random beer mix" beer bong with a pinch of pepper?? All you could taste was busch and pepper...
He's basically like a fancy dildo that buys me dinner.
Can you fuck me on the kitchen counter at some point? I'll lysol it after
I didnt realize how badly my legs were scratched up from power-fucking him in the bushes until kate dumped a bottle of vodka on me. that shit burnedddd
It feels like there's puke trying to explode out of me from behind my eyeballs.
My dad just sent me a text reminding me to bring the family beer pong championship belt. Thanksgiving 2012 just got real
He said he could outsmoke me so I challenged him to a weed duel. I don't always very competitive but when I do...
i came home after a long day at work and she dropped a plate of cheesecake and a bottle of whiskey in front of me and said here's dinner
We were both too drunk to drive home. So we did it in the coat closet and then I walked home. 20/20 hindsight: Could have both walked to my apartment and then had sex there.
WHO TURNS DOWNA FRESHLY WAXED VAGINA IN A MAIDS COSTUME LITERALLY LAYING IN YOUR BED
Like why am I even still facebook friends with a guy I let finger me at a concert?
Here's a concept though: eating pasta while getting laid
Executive decision.... we are cuddling naked
Randomize
