It was my birthday today and i decided that i am not checking my notifications on facebook so ill feel popular
Wrong number and your a loser
My google history shows every combination of "red lobster cheesy biscuits" possible.
2011 senior yearbook drinking game. we're taking a shot whenever some dumbass uses that quote about how life isn't isn't about the breaths you take, but the moments that take your breath away. also that retarded wayne gretzky one about missing shots you don't take.
Long story short, the rash from your last birthday party told me not to go to this one.
He smells so good today
Seriously, back away from the sexual harrasment suit.
Apparently drunk me was getting hit on and i wasn't into it so i shouted "Stupify" at him like i was fucking harry potter then went to the pizza place next to the bar and punted some guys pizza box out of his hands. :(
No no no no no no.... That's my emergency bottle for when I realize I've hit rock bottom
I totally gave him head in sync to Beastie Boy's Sabotage playing in the background.
Woman at starbucks on her computer with a garbage bag of popcorn and a bottle of lotion. Where are you coming from?!
DC is easy, you will figure it out.
I'm drunk and blonde. You are wayyyy underestimating this.
So im waiting for someone at grand central and i look up AND THE ENTIRE BALCONY IS FILLED WITH BOY SCOUTS I AM TERRIFIED
Leaving my wallet at work and not going out to drink tonight...SIGN FROM THE UNIVERSE.
I'm like going proud parent over you doing drugs, this is so wrong.
Oh? And how would you explain this to your kids?
"Well pumpkin, when mommies and daddies have loved each other so much for a really long time, sometimes they trade off with other mommies and daddies"
everything I love is going to destroy me, so if coconuts are the answer, so be it.
Randomize
