i just carried on a conversation with my mother from another room mid-ejaculation. you would have done the same
I just found out that AAA will pick you up if you're drunk for free if you're a member. How did I not know about this?
sometimes i wish i was a boob, they get to chill in soft and cuddly little cup things.
she wrote "need hug!" on a sticky note, put it on her back, and passed out on his bed. they're trying to figure out how she got into his room...
Oh so it was one of those "I shouldn't have gotten in a cab with a random 21 year old girl" kinda nights.
We'll talk about this tommorrow when I'm not mistaking my fingers for French fries....
I've already agreed to hook up with 3 people tonight, and its not even 2:00 yet... I think this is what the path to success looks like.
Next time we include dessert condiments into our sex life we can fuck up my sheets. It's only fair.
We turned on "find my friends" and watched her progress. Got concerned when she didn't move for an hour on Adelaide, turned out a booty call was made, then she went back to the bars.
We are gonna sacrifice to and pray to every god in this world that he doesn't find out about her sleeping with his old roommate.
I'm 4,715,723% sure I don't give a fuck.
And don't worry, I have a great track record of rallying after a casual midday blackout.
my night went from a boring school play to hotboxing a car with 3 criminals
No. No. Fuck you! You can do your own grocery shopping.
So, I'm roughly 90% sure that the guy next to me in the xray waiting room is watching porn on his phone right now
Randomize
