I said I wanted my dignity back. He brought my thong to me after sharpie-ing "dignity" on the front. I'm not sure if I should me mad or impressed.
The best was having to tell my 16y/o cuz and her bf that we could see him fingering her in the inner tube. Lucky for them, I'm the cool cousin... and was river-level fuckedup.
I was wondering where I've seen this kid then I remembered I saw him doing lines of blow of his gf's leg while she was sleeping last week.
I imagine the nuva ring like a bug zapper. It just kills them all.
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He made fire alarm noises before throwing up all over the street.
It was really weird walking into a CVS and not going straight to the pharmacy for plan B.
We decided we needed a drinks fridge in our bathroom.
Her hair goes down to her lower back and nobody was there to held it back for her. She looked like chewbacca dipped in vomit.
we played dirty jenga the drinking edition... some girl really just broke a rib? how do we even go this hard
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I did sing regulators with a random black dude at The Rail without looking at the screen, hugged him and walked off stage. I pretty much live up to all expectations.
"What's your dick like homie" is not really an acceptable thing to say out loud
sober me is the one who makes bad decisions every boyfriend I've ever had I met sober
Dude like i feel like i did ALL OF THE DRUGS yesterday
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
they told me that it was glow in the dark and would make me magical. I was too drunk to say no. I woke up to a purple vagina.
its like a neon Im stupid as fuck sign
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