I'm pouring my heart out in these texts and you're going around showing everyone???
erin looks like she hung out with the sham wow guy last night. she's got the beat up hooker look goin' on
dude on moped wearing crocs...somebody get this guy his man card back
I just remembered I gave $20 to a bum last nite. Philanthropy events always make me do stupid shit.
I woke up with the new contact "Britney Both Nipples Pierced"... how do you think the night went?
she blew me in the men's room in the restaurant. it was a french bistro, so it was okay
She opened a beer bottle with her armpit and then gave me a cigarette from the waistband of her underwear. I dont know if I want to be her or marry her.
Did you really just text me at 6:35 in the morning asking where the condoms were? I moved out a year ago.
She just tried to talk over a fart. The fart was way longer than the sentence she originally wanted to say so she just added gibberish to the end. Gross
Oh and I ate all of your Cinnamon Toast Crunch. Consider it part of your reparation payment for accidental anal insertion. I may continue to collect payments until I am no longer sore.
I shaved last nite, you should see my cock it looks like a beautiful skyscraper
It's pretty telling that my resolutions all involve who I will sleep with in 2014.
It's important to play to your strengths.
You're seeing with your vagina, not your eyes.
FINALLY GOT MY TENTH DICK. PARTY FOREVER
i had to flash a cab last night.
did it work?
No. he slowed down but then kept going. story of my life.
Randomize
