You smell like a Billy Joel song
so i told my doctor my symptons and she just shook her head at me
Sometimes I get depressed that my son is too young to understand how hot his babysitter is.
I think jizz is working it's way to becoming my number 1 food source.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We walked in and found his glass coffee table broken and you in the bathroom throwing up saying "What a bad first impression."
Oh my god! She wrote the word ''hi'' in HAIR on the shower wall. What the fuck?!
Am I the only one creeped out by the guy asleep behind our couch?
Fuck. I'm going to pass the savings right on to the strippers. It's trickle down economics.
Also I fell in love w a girl dressed as a pirate that was great at doing the limbo
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm definitely going to class still drunk right now and the freshman dressed as Hugh Heffner last night is texting me. I can't handle this.
Well i would have gone to the bar but Satan decided to hold his rituals in my uterus.
I am buying anal lube, an enema, and a bag of kit kats. What part of this is compelling the Walgreens woman to tell me to "be well".
I haven't been dieting for my entire life to date some guy who thinks his dad bod is a riot.
Please god tell me you aren't pregaming your date alone.
I'm gonna ask his dad. Weed trumps broken heart any day.
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