Well whatever you do have, it sure worked on me.
A Penis?
Just walked past a girl wearing nothing but flip flops and an oversized sweatshirt crying by the front gates eating pizza. i just found your soulmate.
Do you not remember you showing everyone in the bathroom your period stained underwear? I'd say you were pretty happy it came
Mom got me cough medicine that tastes like tequila . She said she took taste tests. Best mom ever.
Just had a handjob preempted by a huge bolt of static electricity leaping from her fingertip to my sack. I hate this time of year.
thats the sluttiest christmas spirit ever.
Hangover Status: I've been bedridden longer than that kid from The Secret Garden. It's not looking good.
I have a gyno appt today. I hate it when the Army gets involved with my vagina.
The number of times I have seen your cock and the number of times I have wanted to see your cock are different!
moms trying to set me up with a 28 year old. hes graduated university like im getting high in my bed and he's an adult
Tomorrow we start training our livers for St.Patrick's day. May God be with us.
I'm "drunk text both siblings" drunk.
Pregaming at Jodi's. Ten minutes
Thought it was at Brad's?
Pregaming the pregame. Need alcohol before I can see that dick.
When he pulled out it sounded like a balloon deflating
I woke up in a bathtub full of green and blue Nickelodeon slime! wtf?!
Randomize
