I just saw the dad from "Little People Big World" at the airport. I chased him down and congratulated him for beating the DUI.
What do you think she thinks of us?
I think she thinks we're whores... but ya I think she likes us
My Hamptons summer hookup resume reads like a walk-in clinic waiting list.
I'm really sorry we tried to have sex on top of you last night.
Am I the only one that feels like there are hundreds of tiny people having a rave and stomping and kicking around inside my head this morning?
Guess who won a bet and gets to name it Optimus prime if it's a boy
Nevermind. Totally worth it.
The two girls sitting next to me are asking siri "Like, uh, how do you know my name?". Do I fuck with them or fuck them?
So I'm thinking that so long as I have this piercing, I'm going to get tested for explosives at the airport
how do you not remember that?! you winked at the bouncer and then proceeded to grind on him while chugging a beer. i don't know if i should be proud or embarrassed to be your friend
All I really remember is shouting "THANKS FOR LETTING ME MAKE OUT WITH YOUR GIRLFRIEND."
What can I say? You have this amazing power over straight girls.
is there any kind of "im boning my neighbor and he happens to be a manager at walmart" discount that our new relationship entitles me to??
and if planning a fake elopement keeps me from fucking strangers and doing drugs, i think it's good for me
you're now officially the 3000 mile booty call. congrats.
I just took a shot before my midterm. Gotta keep things in perspective.
I'm declaring this weekend Captain Morgan weekend
You declare every weekend Captain Morgan weekend...
You just don't understand... :'(
Randomize
