I told u I don't really remember everything lol i pretty much remember not lasting as long as I norm and that I wore a condom, I hate condoms
I wish I could rss feed the hooker ads on craigslist because it looks suspicious that I check craigslist every hour.
Todays lesson: Chew your food better when your drunk. I almost choked throwing up this morning.
i had to do the walk of shame dressed as a leprechaun. I have never been more proud of my irish roots.
I'm trying to decide if I want to bring home my 'beer champion' trophy or my chem books.
She fell asleep on the sidewalk and people starting using her as a hurdle
He started telling people I was Stephen Hawking's son. When that didnt fly he switched to Tony Romo's cousin
He filled our room with little plastic cups of beer so the only way I could get out was by drinking them all.
My knee is bleeding. This cheeseburger is the 3rd thing I made out with today and I think I got a job with the ducks. Catalina is poppin
I just showered sitting down with a sippy cup of water in there with me. It took 40 minutes. That hungover.
Not gonna lie, Wednesday was the perfect day to get laid off, all I've done since is watch the Simpsons marathon
I was amazing, unlike anything he's ever experienced. I somehow made him feel young and old.and he never felt old before. He feels I will literally kill him. With my magic, lethal vagina.
Apparently the cops had to handcuff me in order to get me to come with to the hospital with them. They asked me if I had had any experience with handcuffs before and I replied, "Only in bed." What a life
Best neighbors ever! They found the guy ive been wanting as a booty call and got me invited to the party the guy was at and gave me alcohol so i could be tipsy when met him. im never moving.
I mean the power was out what was I supposed to do
Randomize
