he used a semicolon in his bootycall text, of course he's not gonna go down on me.
Exactly. All of us sinners go to hell and get nothing while all of the goody two shoes get to go to heaven where its all pink floyd, lasers, and pot.
Why does Corona taste like a burp?
My hand is eating my burrito and not saving any for my mouth. TRIPPPPPPPPPPPPPPINN!
I need to shower. I still have paint on me from the homeless guys
Wish i knew who the f is sending me pics of asian newborns.
It took him three days to realize his roommate had moved out.
Just pure bliss will emerge from Charles, my tranny bong.
I don't give a damn about what he wants to do with his life. Personalities are for pussies.
I didn't even realize I grinded on a security guard last night. Shit. Did he at least like it?
Now I'm obligated to stay and cuddle with her because the condom broke. Fuck.
I woke up at 4am on the floor covered in olive oil and fire extinguisher powder but all I wanted to know was where the rest of my booze was at.
we were both freshly single and using each other as rebounds. most intense sex I've ever had. i felt like a grizzly bear emerging from hibernation in a whirlwind of sexual fury
she said that no one there was hot enough for her so she then proceeded to give the passed out person a lap dance because he was "her type."
Omg I just smoked and it was the end so I basically got resin and death, my throat feels like the twilight vampire description of their thirst for blood
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