I think my emotional moodswings have reached a new low. I cried for the entire duration of changing my tampon.
Tonight, I'm planning on being a bigger trainwreck than Britney Spears circa 2007.
i find it depressing how it takes me longer to find a good video compared to the actual jacking off process.
We're playing Big Buck Hunter to determine who buys the next pitchers. And they said video games wouldn't help me later in life
the only consolation to the fact that i puked in public today was that i did it down a storm drain... so at least i am a responsible public puker
In order of importance: Where am I? Where's my car? Where are my clothes? Who is this chick in the room?
Anne's couch, the bar, your car, Anne.
I just brushed my teeth. In the car. With watered down Sprite. From Saturday. Multi-tasking at its finest.
When the cops pulled up I just stood flat against the fence with my hands up while yelling out,"I'm a tree!!"...
its ok, the prom king gave me his crown to puke in
I know it must have been a hard break up. Are you okay?
Oh yeah, I'm fine dude. My vaginas heart is broken though. I feel bad for her, you should give her a call sometime.
All I know for sure is, I went to bed drunk and I woke up in a relationship..I think I need to reevaluate my drinking skills.
I'll keep supplying drugs if you teach me piano.
I always knew ther was a reason why we're best friends
Obvs our love of drugs
I like to think of it more as our love of curiosity
I'm gunna wear a purple dress, so if you see someone looking confused and lost wearing purple it's probably me
Anyone who does not know who Paul McCartney is does NOT get to put hands in my pants
Randomize
