Could you imagine if a Skynet machine combination of Bob Ross and Chuck Norris were built? It would rule the universe with a soft spoken fan brush of kung fu dominance
It would be truly incredible. I hope we are blessed with this being in our lifetime.
So i looked up from her cooch and there was her ex-boyfriend
Awkward
when your hometown is famous for abortion clinic bombings, hurricanes, and jude law's newest bastard, its probably time to move.
Why would vodka do this to me? I've always been loyal
Excuse me by sucking dick i am fighting crime. Just think of all the prostitues going out of business and getting real jobs.
Make sure your heart doesn't explode. These are words of wisdom.
So you think it's my fault? I didn't give you the 10 shots you took nor make you eat the brownies we made... btw, i found your engagement ring, it was in the last brownie you wouldn't let me have while dragging me to my room.
I have to answer enough questions about you, I don't need your uterus tossed in the conversation.
Ok well hopefully you're not staging an intervention for me at your place because I'm bringing beers
I'LL COME GET YOU. GOTTA FIND A SUIT THAT COVERS TIT BRUISES FIRST.
Nah, he's definitely here somewhere. Whether he survived the night or not is your problem, but I'm pretty sure he's around.
You sent me a snapchat of you hugging a beer with the caption "best friend"
This Christmas I would like to thank Jesus for cocaine.
At leat we can cross off 'having sex in a classroom' on our bucket list.
woke up hungover this morning lying in a water raft covered in water.. i dont know if i should consider this good or bad
Randomize
