You really coming over, don't trick.
Call me so I can make it juicy for ya
If Ritalin and Plan B had an illegitimate child it would smell like me.
I hope the prosecutor is a dude cause my lawyer is hot.
The lady at the touchless car wash just gave me the look of death. How do I say, "sorry it's not my puke" in Spanish?
you know something has gone wrong in your life when you've gotten a court order to stay away from ALL mc donalds.
she's my drunk super hero.
He's drunk and putting on a tie for the jimmy john's delivery guy
I have no idea. Next thing I know we're all down on one knee saying the pledge of allegiance and then singing I'm Proud to be an American. Then Trevor ate pizza off the sidewalk.
the boys lacrosse roster just went up... now we can see who we had sex with
I deleted his number so I had to go into my old voicemails which are saved through my gmail and search his name... Never underestimate the resourcefulness of a drunk girl on a mission for dick
If you think for one second that I would forget Mardi Gras, you clearly don't know how much I love boobs.
She apologized again the next day. I said it was pee under the bridge
That BJ in the bathroom was definitely worth the $20 cover.
You kicked my dad IN THE NUTS right when he walked in.
Sorry, man. Thought he was a cop.
There we go, I shall begin my attempt to achieve whore status today
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