Denmark girl wants me to go out but i remembered shes a raging whore with extremely questionable morals. Not feelin that tonight
the last thing i remember is fucking her. GAME CHANGER i woke up in another bedroom to her younger sister blowing me
I mean I like that it's warm enough to open the windows, but it annoys me that I can't walk around naked anymore.
Maybe she got knocked up by accident. I still refuse to believe that anyone actually INTENTIONALLY gets pregnant.
My phone now knows what I type and it prompts me with frequently used words. And anytime I use "and" and hit the space key two of the words are "unicorn" and "sausage"
She told me she gets scared easily and that I had to protect her. Then I made a condom joke that ended up making her cry... All bad dude
I bought him bourbon as a thank you for his apology. What is wrong with me?
He stopped mid-sex to read the subtitles on a Korean movie we had playing in the background.
there is vodka in my soul right now. The vapor is coming out my nose.
Ice that vagina down, get some coffee, and try not to walk with a limp. It's time to dominate, pull it together
I just watched this dude try to convince this girl to go home with him. She was like, That's cute, you're cute.and she just walked away. Man I'm so not drunk enough to be around this level of sad.
He Dutch ovened me while I was hiding under the covers from his mom. Needless to say it did not end well.
I just feel like I'm worth a little bit more than your recycled nudes...
How drunk is too drunk to be on an airplane?
Obviously you're feeling a little sexually frustrated.
I consider humping a stranger every ten minutes when I walk in the street.
Randomize
