I would like to thank collapsed soviet republics and fathers who didnt show enough attention for tonight's festivities
mom just texted me "hawaii ambien". those are like the two things she talks about to keep me interested in spending time with her.
Still can't believe they give people like us a drivers license and college degree.
I thought i'd save money with No Heat November but the amount of whiskey i have to buy to stay warm is probably adding up to more than a heat bill.
There're making snowcones with the leftover vodka from last night. This is not the time to be making up excuses!
Well she just peed in a pot and is now trying to boil it
the saddest part is, this is not even the first time i've woken up in a shopping cart with a concussion.
She's impossible to please. Other than with two fingers and a tongue.
You guys wanna start around 10:30 tomorrow?
We can start at 5am for all I care. You ask like I have plans.
Dude, don't put me in a suit and feed me liquor; I'll never go home.
there's cocaine on the ipad again........... was your sister here last night?
One more sleep until playoffs, Canucks are back this year, you bet your ass I'm going to uphold the tradition of being the 90 lb girl that fights every hairy ass Bruins fan at BWW.
"He didn't answer my snap so I know he's arrested"
I can't believe I'm coordinating a threesome at work. My productivity is at an all time low.
Had a job interview today. Walked into the room and said "IT'S GO TIME, BITCHES".
Randomize
