I just got a 45 minute blow job...she literally sucked the single life outta me.
u sound so gay right now
i dont know everytime i see her teeth i get erectile disfunction
He tipped the stripper with quarters. After that not even the waitress would talk to us. I had to move to another table to get a lapdance
After he finished going down on me he came up from under the covers, threw his hands into the air and shouted "take that lesbians!" and finished with "and we have dicks!"
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You gave your boss a bj to get the safe employee of the month award?
I think its awesome that i just got you to cheer for sex
Well sex is awesome. Sex deserves cheers.
nm just hungover. watching movies and roasting marshmallows in bed, over a candle to avoid life
One of your snapchats was of you with a 40oz of Mickeys and the caption: "Deep Throat back in her natural habitat"
In other news I think my vagina is sunburnt
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Before he left he told me if his girlfriend ever finds out, she'll take us both to an alley and kill us.
I ended up changing her contact in my phone to "O Great Potato".
we played his NES Classic. Turns out there is a warp zone to my vagina.
I mean, drunk me really liked him, maybe sober me will too. Who am I to deny fate?
So the makeout sesh? Not so great. His stubble rubbed my face raw, he tried to push me towards auto-erotic asphyxiation, and he licked my forehead. Twice.
I’m not sure she knows my name. She introduced me as “the fuck toy”
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