Spraying perfume on pants makes them clean right?
i'm so hungover...i might vomit in a handbag instead of selling them
Hey kate, how is it?
sloppy...it's emily. kate just tried to do a keg stand. they dropped her. we're leaving.
Its not really a relationship, its more of a sex for booze program.
security doesn't like it when we pee on cars. or maybe just not theirs?
HE'S GAY. AND 40.
I'm going to make a mold of my tits to bake a cake for him for our anniversary.. I can see the pride in his eyes now.
Just made macaroni burritos. Fukkin awesome. We'll have to try this when I'm sober.,!
i think i traded my wallet for a tim hortons gift card.
I'm at a bar where I literally walked in to the bathroom and some chick told me to never go to San Joaquin state pen
I need you to know that everytime my toddler does the downward facing dog in the nude I think about the night you and your dude fell in love.
The walk of shame is a lot easier when I'm at a music festival and it's 12 feet from his tent to my tent
You are living the dream.
Are there any rules against fucking the hot TA?
Maybe for her....
Her problem, not mine
you were bawling because you felt bad for being so drunk and then you asked for a beer
Nothing like drunkenly buying a pregnancy test at 8 am to get out and realize your nip was out the whole time.