I need to stop coming to work sober
This honesty session brought to you by jagermeister inc.
Someone asked me why we were having sex on the porch last night. All I remember is him saying he wanted the recruits to see. This has got to stop.
Whenever I walk away from the group without saying anything, NEVER assume I'm just going to the bathroom.
My radar detector detects ice cream trucks. I think it was made for stoners
You can't just call animal control when you're drunk because there is a bug in the shower.
And apparently i asked another younger guy at the bar if he wanted his bud light pumped straight into his vag. As i put back an irish car bomb...
Man my junk looks like a mangled grapefruit right now, this shit sucks.
Totally forgot we howled at the full moon last night... It's safe to say Tuesday Boozeday is my new favorite day of the week
When I said I wanted you to make noise during sex, I didn't mean mocking ones.
Oh my god and he smells like heaven wrapped in a beard of knowledge
I tried to light my cup as a bong. I'm done drinking
please tell me you're the one making all the weird noise in the yard..
I've come to the conclusion, I should prob have at least 20 hr supervision. I would say 24, but I'm guaranteed to pass out for at least 4 hrs a day
Remember that gum I swallowed 3 days ago? I just threw it up.... whole.
Randomize
