In all seriousness though I just found out the dog pissed in my bed it'd be nice to crash somewhere other than my couch while my piss soaked bedding is in the washer
I'm destined to be knocked up by a sailor
I think any school that has COCKS written on it's baseball hats has their priorities straight.
I am like king midas for the gay community. everything I touch turns into a lesbian.
23 Crazy Psychological Tricks You Have To Try on Someone RIGHT NOW
I worked with a girl tonight that recognized me solely from a keg stand she witnessed me do sophmore year. Needless to say this made my night
I just got cash back from buying a pregnancy test so that I can buy a case of joose. My life is in shambles.
this must be what syphilis tastes like
I woke up this morning next to a stack of saltines & a txt from u saying "do it." it took me a second to remember wat was going on
You probably don't remember. You were drunk and getting your tits drummed on like haitian bongos in a voodoo ritual.
These 25 People Forgave their Significant Others for Saying Stupid Things
the problem with having sex for lunch when its 98 degrees outside is that I can't tell if its sweat or semen running down my leg as I walk back in the office
Just had the best random sex ever with a girl I picked up from a pro choice rally uptown. God bless the Democratic National Convention.
so you know how I brush my teeth after I give you a bj? according to my dentist my teeth have never been cleaner. looks like this will be a recurring thing
And in that, my finest lazy stoner moment, I used my cleavage to hold my bowl steady while I packed it laying down in bed.
Because you failed to stop the wedding, now I have to be a homewrecker. My eternal damnation is on your head I hope you're proud.
I'm just wondering how Jon managed to get vomit ON THE CEILING?
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