having sex with you is like teaching a dog to tango, it DOESN'T work
pretty sure i saw you masturbating on chatroulette a minute ago. yes, i can recognize your cock
I THOUGHT I SAW YOU
my mom said i couldn't bring cigarettes cause it was a family trip, which was really irresponsible of her because now i have to walk around the beach drunk trying to find someone with cigarettes.
He's stoned as shit, eating breakfast cereal and taking a dump. All while listening to dubstep. We may never understand him.
I wonder what chicks would think if they learned that when we add them on fb we email their bikini pics to each other.
That boy has a whole ocean of crazy lying just beneath the surface waiting to rise up, he's like the tar sands of crazy
At orientation, some girl is asking, loudly, where she can get weed. Everyone looks discussed but are paying very close attention to people's answers.
No, they seem attractive after SIX beers, after three they're just the gender you're looking for.
Apparently she has a 10 week old kid, which would explain the hallway effect I was feeling.
My dad found me naked curled up under a towel on the couch with a fucking tub of butter and a spoon. Ambien Mondays are dead
I woke up with my shoes still on and my pants around my ankles cause I couldn't get them over my shoes
Also we had sex while listening to fleetwood Mac on vinyl. Like the 70s called and told me to fuck off
Nice. I like it when Maker's Mark makes decisions for you.
I gave her the last ten dollars to my name and bitch comes back with a six pack of bud light and a pack of sour patch kids
Cmon. I wasn't that bad.
You stumbled ass first into the litter box, and everytime we tried to get you to move you said " if I fits. I sits."
Randomize
