"I want to just tie you up so you\'ll still be here like this when I get home." Actual words.
he just referred to himself as the billy mays of his frat.. heres how to order
reasons why jon gosselin is probably ur biological father: 1. ur half asian 2. hes everyones biological father 3. u wear ed hardy
sounds legit
He gave me the "I've pictured you while jerkin off" look
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
a girl just walked by me crying on the phone saying, "all I ever do is menstruate"
I am too drunk to deal with your everything. Reread this everytime you feel the need to talk to me.
I can't stop drooling did you spike my drink?
If, when you wake up, you're wondering why you're in the bathtub, it's because when I tried to move you, you yelled that that was cheating and tried to kick me in the face.
Fair enough.
Definitely a Xanax and Jell-O shots kinda day...except my Jell-O shots are really just a big bowl of a Jell-O shot that I use a spoon to eat.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Hungover in church. I can feel stained glass Jesus judging me.
I felt like... 50% confused and 50% like a slow roasted flip flop.
I'm just gonna put on a documentary and throw up
I'll never lecture you, go get that dick baby girl make momma proud,I didn't raise no quitter
Just witnessed a man yell "gonna catch a slut!" at himself in the mirror while doing bicep curls at the gym.
I was...perplexed.
Do you not realize that being Batman fulfills about 95% of my non-sexual fantasies?
Randomize