my goal in life is to wake up with my underwear on
just had sex with a midget and didnt wrap it... were totally gonna have a tv show :)
I imagine the nuva ring like a bug zapper. It just kills them all.
Don't play hard to get, I've seen some of the girls you've slept with.
I'm basically a mama hen. I keep them warm and let them wonder around the house. not to mention, I keep eye on them just in case the falcons around the house try to snatch them away.
I don't even know what to say right now
We waved. But it was a "let's hook up" wave.
After we drank 3, we built a raft out of the empties and installed the fourth submerged In the water to keep it cool. Keg boats are now a thing
Dude. My knees have no hair on them and they're bruised. My thigh is killing me. I have about 1000 texts to about 5 exes which I horribly regret. I have pictures of my own penis on my phone. I can't find my iPad. And I have work in an hour.
showering high made me realize that i should seriously reconsider my career path... id be a damn good hair shampooer & head massager
yeah I woke up in jail with two different shoes on and neither of them were mine
Should I be flattered that she mumbled "You're the king of my face" before passing out?
definitely good. no good can come from sex in a very full public venue.
It's time you knew: I have been dating your probation officer for 7 months. Pretty certain he's THE ONE. So, thanks for being a criminal.
I woke up this morning to find my closet lacking 98% of my clothes and a text from my male roommate saying your dresses squeeze my genitals
WE ARE DOING DRUGS AND GOING TO THE STRIP CLUB SATURDAY LADIES
Randomize
