I want to make a zoo with you.
For using a life jacket as a pillow, I slept pretty good last night...
I think showering with 5 people and a half gallon of vodka was one of the best decisions we have ever made.
Just sucked a bong hit straight from my girlfriends mouth & pretended I was a Dementor. Life just 87% more like HP.
I told him I was very thankful for what his country has done to my vagina and walked away.
I've just never heard the term serendipitous used to describe having one's asshole licked.
I'm sure there are thousands getting dick today in the name of independence
I think "we've never met sober" is a great relationship to have with someone
Def went to work still drunk... the only comment i got was good to see you drinking more water...
we panicked because we couldn't find you anywhere, but then we found you tripping in the bathtub with Marie's cat. there was no water. you thought there was water, though.
I'm not gonna swipe right, he has better hair than me. Just no.
this periodpocalypse needs to be over. I need head
We walking to the game and some random guy came up to to me and yelled "hey you're the whiskey guy!" And then high fived me then walked away
I someohow managed to lose my butt plug in tne midst of moving to B.C. and I am not a happy camper.
college girl with braces trying to flirt with you...time to go
Randomize
