Oh my god you would drunk register for a marathon.
so my mom told me to suck on something if I have to cough. so I guess blow jobs are ok
i dont have any money that hasnt already been designated for cigarettes and birth control
We told the pizza man that the door was most likely unlocked, he could leave the pizza on the counter and give himself 20%. He did it-I'm never moving out of Aspen.
Whatever. I'll let someone else deal with his flacid penis.
Literally just spent 45 minutes converting my paintball gun to shoot condoms....
its my first week of college and i have a UTI
not easy being a whore now is it
These people keep looking at me like I'm the first person to ever eat ribs in a Home Depot.
some dude is stoned out of his mind in my calc class. just shouted that the teacher was a genius cause he got rid of so many numbers
Im the macgyver of cooling down beers. The toilet tank was blocked so I couldn't use it.....
Hey I know you're not home, but I'm here. Your front door is unlocked and someone took shit on your doormat...
They were swingers. Real swingers. Thought it was going to be awesome until some fat guy tried to put my dick in his mouth.
I swear I can't go out anymore. It's like he put a GPS in my dick. I don't know if I should feel awkward or proud...
You think I'll get the "I used to stick it to your daughter" discount?
For the record, if you sneeze while you have a dildo in your vagina and you dont have a good grip on it, that thing can get some distance.
Randomize
