well there was some sort of sex marathon going on in my house last night..jess and i vs my parents...and im ashamed to say that we lost and my parents out-sexed us
he asked me what things i liked that he did in bed, and i told him all the things i hated so he would use it on that new bitch and she wouldnt hook up with him anymore.
you for real need to get over him dude
In America we eat man semen.
there was enough confetti in my bra to throw another NYE party
no, i'm currently making the trek across campus to get all my stuff from last night. My ID is in one guys bed, and my camera in another guy's bed.
Ever find yourself wondering if your life is God's way of telling a joke?
btw im making up a story about these stitches..... i think a hockey stick to the face sounds better then i fell up the stairs
Only you would get a date out of getting hit by a car
tried to make it look like I had been conscious/awake and out all day when I stumbled into cvs at 6pm to buy plan B
update: I failed
He wanted to watch the vow, cuddle, and not have sex. An upgrade is in order.
He does impressions. Handy knowing you can get fucked by one guy and pretend a group of celebrities is running a train on you.
I always can't wait to see you but when there's also an opportunity to get naked it elevates to an entirely different level
Just let me put on a bra and brush the alcohol out of my hair.
It seems that I didn’t convey clearly enough how well and truly fucked we are, Jack. Listen to me very closely: we are DEAD.
oh and i figured out why we kept smelling vomit. ive got vomit on my socks. putting the heater on my feet was not the best of ideas.
Randomize
