We were tigers and tigers don't wear pants
Professor used "ROFL" while grading my paper... Do I even go to a real college?
we just watched the ball drop on the spanish channel. best mistake of my life.
So I had to explain to her that pussy doesn't mean a cat
swear to god, just saw some chick dressed in a full chicken costume buying eggs and telling the cashier that she "just wants her babies back."
buy whatever she's on. a lot of it.
I can't. He's too cute and my tongue is too long.
I'm still trying to decide if it's a complement when he said "I'd like to subscribe to your daddy issues".
He just walked into my room in a robe with a cooking pot of cereal.
Dude, you need to come clean your dates vomit off the ceiling. What in the hell were you guys doing?!
he was grinding on you and dedicated the song "I'm in Love With a Stripper" to you then started taking his own clothes off
Remember that time you gave me a fat lip with your vag? We should do that again!
Stop calling dibs on everything with a vagina you jackass.
That should be the title of my autobiography.
Just took plan b with my eggs and chai...homecoming got the best of me already
I dont have to work tomorrow im yelling gibberish at squirrels
She's currently singing "I'm gonna keep on lovin you" to her pillow. How do you think tonight went?
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