Girls gone wild is like the hills, except sexy and it doesnt suck
Important detail I forgot to tell you: leprechaun loves david bowie.
you refused to come out of the bathroom until i asked you in spanish
The bouncer was being really rude for no reason. Steph PICKED him up and physically MOVED him from our path on the way out.
Well thats the pro of going out drinking with a pro body builder. Even if its a girl.
You showed up to your dad's bday dinner late, dirty, and hungover then proceeded to yell at the bartender for trying to take advantage of you by putting extra bourbon in your drink... Highly doubt you win best daughter award.
Where are you in relation to the mariatchi band?
I'm using my ex bfs phone number to look up his Kroger card so I can get a discount on condoms...yep this is my life
Officially crunch time. It's my last year of grad school and I've yet to get blown in a school library. The parking garage was less than a block away though.
I just got hit with cramps and found a mystery pill. I'm gonna stay put for an hour and at least see what happens.
You would think a husband, a boyfriend, and a vibrator would be enough. But sadly it's not
I see you listening to my get shitfaced playlist on spotify. glad we're on the same page tonight there's a drink waiting for you downstairs.
I finally got my restraining order in the mail. Was that supposed to upset me? I'm just over here like "TELLEM BOY BYE!-\nlegally..."
Are you aware that you called your mom to say hi before you dragged the random guy into bed last night?
You went outside, peed in the front yard, and asked me to bring you some toilet paper.
I hate when pretentious people talk bad ab corn dogs
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