Holy cold harsh reality of sobriety batman
i don't think it's normal to still be missing spring break.
You got kicked out of the strip club for spilling a tall boy on the stage and when the bouncers came to take you out you told them that they should probably go clean up your pee in the back corner cause they didn't seem to notice that
i'm sure the inside of her vag looks like Normandy circa 1944
and yes i had to double check that date for that joke to be accurate
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He taped the number 420 over all of his clocks
Some guy just bought a handle of cuervo, a curling iron, and a power drill. Paid with a jar of change. I'm torn between avoiding him and befriending him..
She just passive-aggressively stripped in the kitchen while humming the theme to Doug.
I just had to dig under a pile of condoms in my desk drawer to get to a blue book. Summer is officially over.
I didn't know whether to laugh at the fact that a dog bit his balls or throw up cause my dad was telling me a story involving his balls.
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I got my first tattoo & injured myself while having sex in a national monument. I say we consider this weekend siezed.
My boss just lit a candle and said a prayer to get laid tonight ..
Don't act like you're a victim to marijuana
We are gonna have a bake sale and the preceded will go towards the abortion
I dont remember you getting a condom thrown at you. I think I had a concusion
You came in yelling "I'm el scorcho" and then axe can flamethrowered my dresser. Awesomeness aside, you owe me a new dresser.
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