Woke up this morning to a janitor hitting me in the head with his bucket in the hallway of my building. An alumni was next to me because we locked ourselves out of my room and couldn't figure out where my roommates were.
hey babe thanks for tonight, it was fun.
to be honest, i wanna fuck your friend.
And just as he was about to come, he screamed "Oh Christy!!"
What's wrong with that? Your name IS christy.
He then said, "Oh shit, sorry Julie."
I had so many friends before that round of Never Have I Ever.
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glow-in-the-dark stars on his ceiling from '98 totally make blowing him more romantic.
I am currently eating pure cake frosting...I am not sure how I was ever referred to as a responsible adult.
Well I disagree, 3 different men in my bed over my birthday was the perfect way to say goodbye to my childhood innocence
he told me he could still feel the blowjob i gave him last year
wow. THAT good huh
I GOT MY PERIOD THIS IS A GLORIOUS DAY I AM TOTALLY GOING TO MAKE PIES TO CELEBRATE THAT THERE ARE NO REPUBLICANS IN MY UTERUS!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
ok thanks goodnight
Also before you go to bed i just have to get it out there that i really like macklemore as a person
Funny how I'm trusting a magic 8 ball I found in the kids toy section to tell me about my sex life
And the view of you in reverse cowgirl is arguably the most spectacular view ever... And I've seen the Eiffle tower, the colosseum, mountains of Hawaii, Michaelangelo's David, and the Mona Goddamn Lisa. Just saying.
I have an interview tomorrow! The couple we regularly swing with said I could use them as references. Winning
She's kind of holyer-than-thou, like god himself came down and said "please cock block your roommate at every opportunity, and if you think she's thinking of sex, tell her she's a whore"
Periods are much less exciting when you're not sexually active.
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