He spent the whole night convincing me I wasn't fat, but after we had sex he said "Oh, I see what you mean"
She's okay as an interesting car wreck. But as a sexual object she's funny
she was eating donuts out of the garbage. enough said.
dude. i just ate tomato soup with a funnel. we're out of spoon-straws.
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The two guys from next door helped him do a backflip. The ended up throwing him halfway through a ceiling tile. Don't worry, we fixed it with duct tape.
You were chugging tap water out of a running blender screaming "bubbles is Perrier mother fucker"
Don't use or open the microwave. It's full of smoke. Buying a new one tomorrow, will explain.
Dude, you're only mentioning the Bro Code so I can't get any
You can laugh all you want but 99 grapes is a lot stronger than what you were drinking.
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Wrong. I really wanted to see the movie. And she was on top of me like she was riding a mechanical bull. Who am I to complain? I live to serve.
Dude I should have just gone home with the guy with dreads and the cat
I swear the toilet was so cold I tried to stand up but my balls wer frozen to it. most awkward five minutes between me and my mom.
Let's just says his mouth writes a lot of checks that his penis just can't cash. Don't waste your time.
who orders an old fashioned in 2014? even my Grandparents think you're an asshole.
It's official: I now only own one pair of jeans that I haven't blown the crotch out of. It might be time to put a stop to red wine Wednesdays.
You mean, in addition to red wine every-fucking-days?
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