there's only 1 girl at Mount St Mary that's a virgin. the Mary statue standing outside
Am I the only one creeped out by the guy asleep behind our couch?
My Grampa even called her out for being a cock block at the bar...it was that serious
You know, I had the money for a pregnancy test, but at the time, tacos were more important.
I booty called her while she was in labor.
She called my landing strip a "vagina mohawk"....
Lesbians are weird.
In the midst of you puking your guts out, you stopped, looked at the globe in front of you and whispered "America.."
And I don't know what it is about weed making me want every episode of the real housewives of everywhere
I mean, that's eating your cake and fucking it too.
i had a super strange, mommy/daddy issuestastic, mildly freudian, i-might-as-well-become-a-stripper-now-and-stop-fighting-the-inevitable dream last night :(
"Let's do body shots off the freshmen" is officially the worst thing I've ever said.
he would snap chat his dick as like Harry Potter
I'm committing myself to dance. Also, I'm unsure if you said space party sounded lame because dude was old, but I hope you're over it because I love space, and I love David Bowie and I love to dance, and you need to embrace this with me.
it's unicorns you uncultured swine
Did anyone see us fucking last night on the giant turtle outside downtown Disney?
Randomize
