dude, im still at the bar with two chics... one has a moustache ill save that one for you... be home in 20min..
I feel odd... a had sex with a chick and she keept her socks on...
That fat broad you banged out last night is still here and I can hear her snoring through the living room wall. I would leave, but I don't want to come home to an empty fridge.
kyle and i were puking, simultaneously, off the front porch at 4 am, and in the middle of it he looks up, reaches his hand over, and says "knucks." And then I proceeded to fist bump him. By farrr the best time I've ever had puking.
so im gonna ask for shark week off tomorrow at work and i advise you do the same
I have to verbally tell you. He looks good on paper...but he totally fails in person. Like communism.
Some guy just delivered flowers to my roommate cause he fell off a roof onto her at a party last night. I think they have a date tomorrow.
new plan: i think the keg will fit in my purse.
I really hope jumping jacks prevent pregancy because I'm kind of banking on it right now, do you know why there's a unicycle in the corner of my room?
LOOK AT MY HAIR, DOES THIS LOOK LIKE THE HAIR OF A PERSON WHO HAS HER LIFE TOGETHER?
I'm sooo hungover. I fell asleep on top of a car in a parking lot last night. New one to add to the list.
Just remembered I said your cat looked delicious last night.
So many people have told me I have great tits tonight, I'm unstoppable
I woke up on a park bench with a nice homeless guy waking me up. I bought us Carl's Jr. Best birthday ever!
It was like Strip poker and blow, but with Yu-Gi-Oh cards
Randomize
