I'm drunk at The Bachelor casting call in Cleveland
I cherish every text you send me
you tried to scramble eggs in my dryer last night. i want you here in 15 minutes to clean this shit up
after taking her first shot and having her first random hook up she finally feels like she is ready for college
she has no idea
I'm going to get like 25 drinks at their wedding and just leave them sitting around or give them to hobos.
So what's the moral standing on reading gay porn on your phone whilst sitting next to your 87 year old Grandma?
Was having relations of the behind variety with my girlfriend. Based on where we were at I could see myself in the bathroom mirror. You know I did the Patrick Bateman point and wink at the mirror and turned on sissudio by Phil Collins.
It's seriously like a finger. But it's a cock. I don't know what to do. I feel like I fuck him to be polite.
We dated for a month and a half. he didn't like blow jobs. I honestly don't think he was human.
You lost me at unexpected butt stuff. Everything else I would probably do.
Girl, he's like catnip for my pussy.
I told him you're making deviled eggs for the party. Sisters make deviled eggs to get their sisters laid. It's science.
I'm texting you know although you won't get this until you wake up. the only reason you are strapped to your bed is because you were trying to fly out your window.
at the hospital. Kevin drank straight from the river
Can you cover for me after lunch? I’ve never seen a guy who cums as much as my new Side Dick so now I need to clean the house before my husband gets home
scale of one to ten how loathsome is it to save my chocolate easter bunny to use for a topping on my edibles
Randomize
