Some broad at the bar just asked me how much money I make. I don't know whats worse, the question or the answer.
it wasn't sex, it was awkward naked time.
I feel like this whole "telling that guy i have a kid to avoid him" thing is getting out of hand..
How so?
Probably at the point when i told him i was "Too drunk to drive" and "had to pick up my kid" all in a span of like 2 hours.
We named our saturday intramural dodgeball team "we're hungover". Pretty much just an excuse to fuel my alcoholism on friday nights.
Just watched a guy pause a bluetooth convo to puke outside of esso. gotta love orangeville
Just woke up to find myself cooking eggs on the imaginary stove in my room.
He just came into the room wearing nothing but a Speed Racer helmet. I think he just invented a fetish.
Given my current decline of critical thinking and capacity for speech it's probably best u call the cops
My goal for break? Fuck all my exes in reverse order.
omg i just made best friends with a deer. Im like the drunk santa clause.
I just took two shots of Burnerts out of a ladle. Get here now.
I've been here 20 minutes and a sweaty naked man has kissed me on the cheek.
I just spent so much time grooming my landing strip and like, sex isn't even on the agenda tonight.
I'm nothing if not determined to sleep with everyone at that company
Drunk man just fell out of said wheelchair
Randomize
