Nothing ended up happening last night because he couldn't get my overalls or fanny pack off. I woke up this morning with one strap over my overall shorts on, my fanny pack wrapped around my chest, and the baby doll still tied to my hand. Ugh white trash parties!
I don't know whether I should be pissed that there's glitter in my bed or proud that there's semen in there too.
she sounds like chewbacca in bed
I have a date tonight... Like a real date... Not the kind where you just go over to his house and have sex and then never speak again.
We still need to grow old, buy a house, and drink 40's while wearing old people sunglasses, staring at the young studs mowing our lawn.
I want to get so drunk, you will need subtitles to understand me. Rough week.
You were saying you didn't want to go home and insisted that I drop you guys off at your uncles. That's how you ended up sleeping on a porch with two dudes
I don't feel bad about fucking old guys. That's what I want. It's what I likeeeeee.
Donald Trump and I would be so adorably orange together!
Guess what I signed up for?!?!?!
Please tell me you're not selling your eggs.
A little sexual choking never killed anyone. And if it did, they died happy.
she stuffed her marc jacobs purse full of cereal
classy
we were waffle house and a lady told me her imaginary friend was sitting in the chair next to her. i don't feel so trashy now.
That bitch claimed that you said it was ok if she drank your vodka. Obviously she has never met you
Wait you took his virginity AND broke his bed doing it
I know! I’m the best!
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