you can't spend the night you always smell like dirty underwear and my roommates complain
Its like a relationship where they cockblock each other.
Just saw all the pictures from the party. I'm wearing a different shirt in every single one.
apparently dick flashing is a frowned upon sport here..... sorry girlfriends mom
Did i mention i'm like the equivilent of a prepubescent boy suffering from preejaculacy? I just about creamed my pants when he grabbed my hand..
I told my grandmother all I want is a nice guy who likes to be tied up.
This guy dressed as a piece of paper for Halloween, I felt it was only necessary to sign his penis
Yeah she let me pull the goalie and wear my USA flag like a cape since it was the first day of the world cup
I cannot lay down. I will throw up my life and your life and the class hamster I had in third grade.
His Instagram is like a gay porn blog all of the sudden got conquered by the Mormon missionary that he is
I woke up the whole house screaming I need my shorts they found me in the kitchen with a bag of strawberries naked
Mike fell asleep with his hand down my pants. I'm clearly an enticing person.
I'm sorry I crashed your motorcycle and watched you get robbed from a rooftop. Will you please come back or at least drop off my shoes?
You sat down in the middle of the road and started crying. We told you "Get your ass up or we're leaving you here." You replied "They'll findddd meeeeee" and ran after us.
Im just drunk enough to admit that I miss Hannah Montana.
Randomize
