I'm taking a dump and eating a fortune cookie and it said "Force it to be successful"
Brutally Honest is my real middle name, Princess just sounds better.
whos cum tastes better, a guy who drinks apple juice or cranberry juice?
i'm watching the draft and making cookies. how am i still single?
Come over and help me clean up your so-called "winter wonderland" that you made with the fire extinguisher in the kitchen last night.
So after I was tied with a feather boa he left me there with KFC and cherry coke
There appears to be a lake on my nightstand. As usual, I should not be considered a suspect. Together, we will find out who did this.
so, give him that "thank you for fighting for my freedom bj" & he wont even remember what you said in that six min voice mail.
Unless you have figured out how to blow me through the phone don't drunk dial me.
cassie wtf are you alive??! no one has seen you for like seven hours whereeee did you go
IS IT POSSIBLE FOR A GUY TO NOT HAVE BALLS
I wish i could just live off of margaritas and good sex.
I'm hoping my engineering degree will pay off when I invent porn watching in the shower
he wears New Balance sneakers on a regular basis, did you really expect the sex to be more than decent?
The cops wrote boobs in the police report. ...vandalism is our calling
Turns out he's just a recently divorced IT guy. Not a wizard.
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