end the night at a gay bar...not sure how...but why the fuck do i have two condoms in my pocket?
when im bored during the day i often think, what do people who dont get high do with their day.. i came to the conlcusion that everyone must be getting high
um i just realized that some of the people at my family reunion look inbred. thats not a good sign.
hahaha beady eyes set close together? defs inbred.
my dads cousin just put a cig in his dogs mouth and says, "look its a commercial for newport!" holy hell i hope im adopted.
Im beginning to think that if I ever write an autobiography it will have to be mostly fill in the blank.
Was just explained ingredients in a four loko. Puzzles of the universe starting to piece together.
As far as drugs go, alcohol has all the elegance and precision of hitting yourself in the head with a hammer.
I'm sitting in my room naked waiting for him. When he gets here im going to make him do 20 pushups and lick my clit for a hour
We lost power at midnight which freaked out my roomate and friends. The power came back on 30 minutes later. We are now at the bar having "the rapture came and we were left behind" shots
Well I just found the most comfortable way to pass out on my toilet if I ever have to.
Its a good thing to know for upcoming events.
CSI Miami is on and the guy is trying to save this woman who got shot. By stripping off his shirt & belt. THE WOMAN NEEDS YOUR PANTS OFF TOO
I just handed a girl a slice of pizza and she handed me her number. Is this how Vegas hookups normally begin?
He sent me a slow motion video of him jerking off...it was so long (the video not his dick) even I felt awkward watching it alone
low point of the night : a cop just busted out laughing at me.
She said cowgirls can can pee standing up and proceeded to pull up her dress and drop her underwear.
I expected my Sunday morning walk of shame dressed as a sexy Dorothy would get some scorn, but nobody seems to even care
That’s because it’s 2020. The slutty costume walk of shame is a refreshing reminder of a time when wearing masks and catching communicable diseases was a right of passage, not everyday for the foreseeable future.
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