When you want to head down the cleveland on Sunday?
What time do the bars open? I dont want to remember how bad theyre gonna lose
I denied three guys and puked everywhere because I love you.
the best part is my dad got arrested for the same thing at the same bar 30 years ago... so he cant be mad
Tonight I think I'm going to go out with a french braid so I don't wake up with puke hair. Thoughts?
And your mom thought you weren't even thinking about your future... she would be proud
Might just stay in and drink cuz of the hurricane. Yea I think Wisconsin might be safe but its a good reason to drink.
oh come on since when have relationships been boundary lines for us
fair point
When we do our power hour over Skype I'm just going to sit on the toilet so that way I won't have to get up in the middle of it and miss any shots
I just told a squirrel he was gonna suffocate because he was eating a plastic bag. and i stared at him till he spit it out. Its official, I love squirrels more than people. they actually listen.
My chest hair is, as we speak, arching upward to embrace my neck beard. The union will be a storied one.
How is it that I've hooked up with not one but two guys in the children's section of a bookstore tonight?
In other news there is a guy at my office who I'm pretty sure will be wearing someone's skin as a coat one day.
I don't want to flatter myself but after the way he was looking at me today I think it might be me.
the 5 D's of Dodgeball literally just saved my life
STOP PUTTING BUTTER ON MY FUCKING CAT
Oh god. Charles just fell off the bar. Didn't spill his drink. He's come so far..
Got lost on the way to my dealer again. He stayed on the phone with me untill i found him and then hooked it up because I got lost.. What a genuine person.
Randomize
