By the way, shout wipes are a gift from god for people that throw up on themselves.
There is a mermaid on oprah and she looks nothin like ariel
he told me he saved a turtle in the middle of the road.. i told him id be over in ten minutes...i mean he deserves a bj after that.
just found a shoebox labled "emergency smoking box"... it has a lightbulb, 2 potatoes, a dried up flower, and a button that says "stop drop and roll". what did we do last night?!
he said i ruined lesbian porn for him
you made them have somersault races with you thru the lobby..
i was on the fence about his sexual orientation until he referred to his marlboro loghts as "carrie bradshaws"
Also, new rule: You are no longer allowed to send me a text with the word "dildo" in it before 10am.
How is it that I've hooked up with not one but two guys in the children's section of a bookstore tonight?
in other news, i feel like i just shat out all my sins.
Is it normal that every guy I hook up with tells me my hair is sexy as it's happening? Like that can't be normal
either I'm really high or that last bong rip tasted like christmas
After we got done he told me to hold his penis because it helps him fall asleep
I just bought a bottle of lube for my car.
Ok here's the plan: birth control, KFC, handcuffs.
Randomize
