I love my grandma, but if I have to sit and watch one more show on Bravo, I'm gonna burn her fuckin house to the ground
and you tried to get a free burrito from Potbelly's
I will give you vagina for bag of have'a corn chips.
Had a drag queen carry me to the car. So I'm told...
Well... first you killed the girls goldfish, then you shoved her face in your armpit, made her cry, got kicked out, ate your cigarettes, and passed out in her driveway. Pretty successful night if you ask me
I tripped over a vacuum cleaner and fell into a beer pyramid
I think the solution to your phobia is an open relationship with your dildo. about the same responsibility as a pet rock
It's like, "you literally have no idea who i am but i definitely slept with your brother in your bed."
Germany has fetish clubs for everything. We are going to Germany. Germany is our friend.
Last night I dreamed that I got eaten out by Lego Harry Potter.
The way I kissed her was actually pretty charming and then it devolved to car sex
But, if I start dating you brother, I can't talk to you about the sex anymore!! Like... Can we talk about it anonymously?! I just won't use his name.
He put his SoundCloud on his Tinder bio. I felt personally attacked.
You hear the wildest shit in a Walmart bathroom.
I have filthy fantasies involving his tongue. My vagina almost exploded while he was licking that ice cream cone.
Randomize
