I'll tell you what, we couldn't have asked for better binge-drinking weather.
Karaoke into a bottle of boones. dear summer in alabama, glad to see you again.
you kept insisting that i was jake gyllenhaal and you were heath ledger.
tell that swedish kid i didnt take his shotgun. he GAVE it to me.
Dude.. You paid a stripper $50 to listen to you cry last night.
After a certain point, you just want to make it work. Prove to yourself that you're smarter than the vibrator.
Also, ran into my neighbor across the street. He told me about scheduling his vasectomy. We are officially way beyond the acceptable point for asking his name again.
How exactly do I approach the whole "Well that was fun. Am I purchasing the Plan B or you?" topic?
Wake up. Pour coffee. Open blinds. Guy is skipping class and jacking off furiously to Asian porn. Close blinds. Finish coffee. So this must be what med school is like.
I'm still confused. So he's NOT your cousin by blood, but WAS your cousin, on two separate occasions, by marriage? Still too weird I think...
A 74 year old man offered to let me sleep on his pull out couch last night.
I just felt emotion and I'm not okay with it
Why exactly is there a butt plug on the counter?
You drank the pool water to get rid of your hiccups
ill drive you to the airport today if we can have sex first
i left yesterday
ill pick you up from the airport on sunday if we can have sex after
Randomize
