He toold me that when we were younger I was his boner buddy.
2 v-cards in one night. impossible is nothing.
States back in the final four. Now our sunday night drinking has purpose. Sparty on baby.
is it STILL halloween? when did this turn into a week long holiday
You could say the cab driver was less than excited when we called his personal cell phone at 4am for directions back to our hotel after having blacked out at the club
You tried to call "time out" during the sobriety test.
I told him if I was pregnant we were coming out to the people at work, because I'm not pretending to get knocked up by an imaginary boyfriend.
I woke up five hours later with a mouthful of Jimmy John's while clinging to my sandwich.
i am an animal i am literally locking myself in my house and not coming out for a week i don't deserve to be in public
Apparently when it was last call I jumped up on the bar and told everyone to get the fuck out, which was immediately followed by a round of applause from the bouncers/bartenders and my tab getting paid as well.
I basically have sex lined up for me in three different countries. If that's not a feat I don't know what is
Because bro, I don't want your dick being touched mid conversation.
I looked so sad that Jessica gave me a bar of soap. So that's where I'm at.
Did that sound smart? Cuz beneath the boozy exterior beats the heart of a fucking scientist.
it is time to test the effects of half a loaf of bread and overconfidence on the human body
Randomize
