separated laundry into 'got laid' and 'didn't get laid' piles.
I'm at the grocery store, it's 10 am and the woman in front of me just bought 3 boxes of wine. She turned around and told me not to be afraid
Dude I still wanna know who I had sex with on new years eve
I don't remember his name but he sat in the bathroom and gave us both advice...
WHAT DO YOU MEAN I DIDN'T APOLOGIZE? THERE WAS A PEACE OFFERING MADE VIA TACO BELL.
I was very proud of myself that day. I had an awesome time. I don't care if I negatively impacted others.
He's currently surrounded by roughly 23 girls he fucked and never called. He may not make it out of here. Bar of doom? Or of redemption?
Here's the level of my committment: I'm not participating in the Olympic opening ceremonies drinking game. THIS IS SERIOUS.
That's what my new years consisted of. Consoling heartbroken girls and having people throw up in my hands.
All my money is going towards making my vagina hairless
Worth it.
I'm going to be an 8 year old girl down there foreverrrr #fountainofyouth
I just swallowed some ecstasy stuck in my nose from last night. Work should be interesting.
It has gotten to a point where I just want to sit on his face. Less butterflies, more orgasms.
You casually put your finger in my ass and other people are weird..
We got stoned and took selfies with the most perfect lawn
To potentially get me laid, I need you to send me your favorite memes.
Randomize
