He told me he could read braille... with his tongue. So I took him home. I don't think he was lying
You all can go fuck yourselves. As far as I'm concerned, don't come back to karaoke.
I think I would be able to remember how to smoke but I can't seem to remember how to breathe.
he's legally blind and likes the sound of my voice, good enough for me.
One reason I don't come to Portland. I saw 8 guys I have had sex with last night. At the same party.
By 8 I mean 9.
And by 9 I mean 10.
Apparently I was trying to convince him Springsteen has had buttsex. I ended the argument with "I bet he came from it too."
i keep looking at my boobs and it just baffles me how he could give this up.
3 things I learned last night: 1.) I'm not as light as I used to be. 2.) Sex on the roof of a convertible is a really bad idea. 3.) The hospital now has super glue pens for sealing minor cuts instead of stitches!
I just tried to eat one of my ear plugs, thinking it was a cheese curl. I need it to be break RIGHT NOW.
Pretty sure I asked the person at the pharmacy counter in Walgreens to marry me last night. But also remember Rachel Maddow crawling through the TV screen, so my memory might be a bit compromised...
I am stoned and listening to the Olympics music I downloaded on Saturday. Best 6 dollars I have ever spent.
I forgot how easy it is to have sex in public when you're wearing a dress. Thank you global warming.
Omg just opened my passenger side door and my outfit from last night is on the floorboard.
Is it OK to disqualify a potential therapist if she lists 50 Shades of Gray as her favorite book? Or is that a good thing?
I saw seagulls fucking earlier today. What have you done with your life recently?
Randomize
