He fucking owes me dinner after I gave him head under the deck behind the bar.
you turned your livingroom into a bong?
he said my vag tasted like ravioli n pennies... i forgot I was on my period
The cab driver referred to me as his little gumdrop, im sure he won't feel the same when he sees the vomit all over his floor.
I don't remember. I think I elluded to the fact that I would buy him a dildo for his birthday.
Facebook stalking a girl from Germany is harder then you think.you have to copy and paste all this shit into freetranslations.com then try and piece together an awkward sentence. If only I could put this energy into something productive.
plus shes a stripper, ive been with strippers, if you fuck this up your penis will never forgive you
yeah a little bit of me felt bad about it. But the rest of me was having sex with him.
Just re-gained consciousness in the freshman girls dorm. Normally this would be awesome but I'm on the floor surrounded by chicks doing their homework. This makes me uncomfortable but I don't think they know I'm awake yet. If I b-line for the door can you come get me?
TO ALL WHO WERE IN MY HOUSE LAST NIGHT: WHOEVER STOLE MY BONG AND PUT IT ON THE ROOF WILL BE PAYING MY HOSPITAL BILL FROM LAST NIGHT.. AND BUYING ME A NEW, SWEETER BONG.
I seriously think my heart may fail. And I didn't even grab a toilet beer :(
Is there a non-awkward way to tell a girl I work with that she looks just like my favourite pornstar?
Her roomates have been scoring her hookups. I got 8.9, best of the week!
I'm spending tomorrow with her. What should my ridiculous personal goal be? I've already got a blowjob while eating a cupcake
You just kept screaming "PLEASE YELL CORNDOG AT HIM. PLEASE. CORNDOG."
Randomize
