My RA just tried to write me up for having sex too loudly during quiet hours.
I woke up covered in sausage cart mustard and champagne
i was gonna do a lot worse than just throw cat food on you while you were passed out, but then you sleep vomited and i felt a little bad
there is a video of me from last night trying to light my breath on fire. that drunk.
why are our drunk alter egos so much more successful than us?
Eating cold pizza and drinking a beer for breakfast while standing in a hotel window naked is how I say hello September...
They need 20 oz Capri suns with liquor. Douches need to grow up with their clients
Six words: 3rd Degree Burn On My Dick
I had to break it to her that she was not in fact behind the bushes when she peed on the church last night
He literally took a shit in my bathroom and then broke up with me.
Holy fuck where did this cat tattoo on my ass come from
I mentioned the porn thing he mentioned a brother it all kinda just came together
Kinda. I got kicked outta the bar, and then incited a riot until the cops came and I bailed
I just texted my mom from a strip club.
dude im trying to eat his ass so can you stop for 10 minutes
Randomize
