I'm eating all of the evidence.
you know, even black out drunk I can always remember the exact point where I should have stopped drinking.
We convinced you to take a shot out of the sponge...there were still suds in it.
The sex I just had was not worth missing a girls night out.
She just kept saying "bless your heart" to him while he cried because he came so fast. I think a Texas woman was just what he needed
After we drank 3, we built a raft out of the empties and installed the fourth submerged In the water to keep it cool. Keg boats are now a thing
Why do I think he'd like to keep my hair in a box?
I think if I send him enough nudes, he will buy my plane ticket.
Sorry for drunkely attacking your best friend with a bow and arrow then loudly crying myself to sleep....PMS?
I left him on his mom's lawn after he passed out in my lap and told me my vagina smells like flowers. Couple of the year award
THEY HAVE BEEN GOING AT IT FOR 2 HOURS AND I HEAR THEM BANGING THIS IS BULLSHIT
I think even the taco bell employees judged me
PLEASE LET MY BIRD FUCK YOUR BIRD
Did a 4 pm walk of GLORY the next day.
Dude, my back STILL hurts from carrying the team on BP last night.
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