So, we're in the car ready to fuck and she asks about my ex. I wave at my lap and say, "bye". She asks what I'm doing. I say, "waving goodbye to my erection"
My god. We'll be gay porn millionaires.
He's used the term "balls deep" 3 times in the first hour. Thanks a lot, Plenty of Fish.
I accidentally KO'd a baby in the airport. Thought you should know.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She said our goal is to fuck in every bathroom at the reception which is at a country club. I will have the best wedding date ever! Were 4 for 4 in public.
I'm at a new rock bottom. Malibu on ice at work because it's the only thing they've got and no mixers.
Officially conquered sex on my couch with my dad asleep in the next room
I like how you say "conquered" as if that was your sole mission in life
I feel like a pet sloth would complement my lifestyle.
Mmm. Champagne. Weed. 17 pounds of animal crackers.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
YOU LEFT MY FUCKING BRA OUTSIDE OF YOUR HOUSE AND NEVER TEXTED ME.
Got drunk in Atlantic City Flagged down some guy with two wrapped tampons like road flares for a cigarette.
no we just smoked too much weed and listened to the tarzan soundtrack. phil collins is amazing
unless you want this visit to have a different tone... more romantic, less molly in a hotel room
I discovered moonshine and fell in love.
I may or may not be drunker than time right now.
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