if your phone is working sorry i called you at 2am. if it is not then i never called your phone at 2am
It smells like Drakkar Noir and desperation out here.
That's why you should quit smoking.
i wonder if detective benson from law and order takes those handcuffs home. i bet she does.
You know you're true friends when you can talk about what sexual diseases you may or may not have.
just started drinking the sprite you used to ice your crotch last night. Missing you already
While at warped tour today a girl was crowd surfing and her vagina landed in my face, I call that a successfull day.
She wants an explanation of my cousins creepy foot fetish with my god sister. i don't know how I can sum this up in a text.
Walking in to my alcoholic Assessment meeting with a black eye = 40% awkward 60% awesome
currently pooping in a public restroom while drinking free beer. there has never been a finer line between awesome and depressing.
He just sent me a picture of himself naked while cooking pancakes and he made the caption "bitchin' in the kitchen"
State dependent memory. I just needed to feel my teeth. It was like a fog was lifted.
I used my mad pharmacist skills to turn ordinary birth control into morning after. I think my professors would be proud.
Thus began an intricate shell game of nude cardigan photos
Steven and I talked about running for office again today. It's fucked that my 3 dream jobs are marijuana bakery owner, bar owner, and president.
Im sitting on the floor of the hotel room eating nachos and drinking coffee. People should learn to embrace their hangovers
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