I'm lost and stupid without you.
Okay, I have a threesome with foreigners and suddenly I'm a man-whore
Sooo, his balls are like... bigger than my head...
She asked to borrow my chapstick then said "I promise I won't get herpes on it"
she was pretty much dry humping my leg when her boyfriend walked in. he says "you should probably leave." all i could come up with was "YEAH, I KNOW!"
He told me he loved me mid lick. Anyone that can look at me from that angle, lick my vagina, and say they love me must absolutely mean it
All I kmoe is rheres a coffee pot full pf vodka in my purse
how many dildos make it a "collection?"
Fuck that. I'm not afraid to die. I'll prove you can survive on a bagel bites and rum diet.
i forgot to brush my teeth before I went over so i went to the bathroom and started eating his toothpaste. we're still in the early stages of fuckdom
I'm sorry but the visual image of you suffocating on vagina is basically hysterical
You are the best. Or certainly adequate for tempering my unholy desires.
That's the nicest thing you've ever said to me.
How many times do I have to tell you I'm not bisexual.
.....unless there is alcohol involved
You have a penis. Therefore everything you say is automatically wrong.
Omg. I'm living macklemores best life. I have someone's granddads dog, I'm about to have someone's grandmas car. I look incredible.
Randomize
