I don't smoke a lot but now and then I do. Weed and I are like still standing naked in a bathroom together deciding if we should blow one another or bolt for the exit. An awkward relationship.
there is a ziplock bag over sangria in a wineglass in the fridge...classy?
im so poor im using the bottom of my laptop to heat my food.
If we get out of this alive, I'm never going to a Denny's at 3 am again.
I've decided the third guy that I slept with is who I lost my virginity to...
i have no feeling in my penis or fingers but i think it was worth it
You grinded and hooked up with a middle aged tiger woods look-a-like with manboobs. Tequila isn't for you.
There's someone howling in the parking lot. Haha.
Uh, he still talks to you after you basically sexually harassed him using emojis?
let’s be honest I’d fucking Irish step dance on your grave, asshole
hell or highwater he WILL get a blowjob in the hammock before the end of summer.
You're either getting fucked or a coupon to Friendly's. I haven't decided yet.
Hey the moment you step into my house, find me IMMEDIATELY so we can pinky promise on not roping anyone at the party into yet another threesome
Do not ever look at a picture of an erect ostrich penis. You will regret it.
We lost a person.... if you see a man in yellow shorts and nothing else walking around let me know...
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