I lined up everyone's pillows and I'm playing Evel Knievel when I jerk off later.
since when did accompanying a guy to a wedding mean that anal was required that night?
she just asked me to help her create a twitter page for edward cullen's hair.... seriously.
based on the size of her vibrator, i'm going to be a huge disappointment
He kept buying me shots of tequila. I decided to just save myself the half hour of toilet hugging and tell him straight up that I intended on sleeping with him. We got Tacos on the way home with all the money we saved.
On a scale of one to america, how free are you this weekend?
Update: I only have one shoe. The other one now belongs to the gods of jello-wrestling. May it rest in peace.
Not sure if it's my shorts, hat, shoes, hair or soul but one of the above just got me drunk again from the glorious aroma of Keystone Light.
But I swear to god if I'm awkwardly there while you try to have sex with someone again I'm getting high with your dad
I know how vodka works Grace. I'm drunk, not stupid.
If I send Ben a tit pic but I do it while wearing a Tom Brady mask is that funny or creepy
I drank too much tequila. I'm hyperventilating. Send help. I think I slipped through satan's asshole.
No I did a yoga dvd and hit my ex up via email for some pot in exchange for his mail.
i was so blazed last night that i kept imagining a talking eagle sitting next to me encouraging me to smoke more... i listened to it.
I watched one of the videos of you hanging from the rafters, and it is both violent and sexual in nature.
Randomize
