My cousin just told me i smelled good. She must like the smell of cum.
whore
i knew he was a douchebag when his facebook activities were "ladeis," and "gettin crunk wit ladeis"
He didn't speak any English, but I think I caught the word turtle in there somewhere.
Why would he say turtle mid-fuck?
I showed remarkable dignity in such a compromising situation. Except I came off as sort of a blue ball giver.
Def walking back to my apt with a blender, an empty vodka bottle, and a half eAtn drumstick cone.
Your beautifulness. Funnyness. Sexy hairness. Coolness. Plus you ask google how far wendys is from your house. Will you marry me
My only regret is that we didn't pee on our neighbors Prius
Careful, it's a slippery slope to discovering you're bisexual...trust me.
I'd say things got weird when I started doing lines of molly in the box.
The family next to you was not pleased
He showed up to a baby shower and kept telling everyone he was late because he was pregaming. And then tried honking the pregnant girls tits
You know how I know she's ugly? 97% of her profile pics are flowers or animals. And what do we know about pretty people and the Internet?
I swear to god if you keep eating my cats food drunk I am going to kick you out of our apartment.
Dude is PACKING. And yes I am holding up a cross and holy water and hissing like a pissed off goose.
Did you mark a random day on my calendar as National Seth Day?
Sounds like a legit day to me.
He saw my Halloween/ Costume closet and assumed I’m into cosplay. I’m going with it. What’s sexier, a cop or a nurse?
Randomize
