I cant believe you went over there and fucked her last night after everything you said
she invited me over to play the wii, it's not like i intended to
You KNEW her power was out...
Ever since they found the bud they've been sending me visa gift cards instead of cash. Bastards.
thanks for paying me in special brownies...but brownies dont pay the rent...anymore.
You have permanently scared my back with your nails. I would like to congratulate you on a job well done.
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I fake pass out to avoid hookups sometimes. Last night I fake slept on my bathroom floor for like 2 hours before the guy left.
How did it go last night?
Woke up head half shaved and a burrito? So good and bad?
Hey remember that spam cooked in dr pepper we made? 10x better when the dr pepper is rum
It's cool, I power napped on the dryer while they were fucking in the bathroom so I'm good to go now. Where are you?
It's just unfortunate. She's a 28 year old woman who looks as if a pelican and ET had a baby. With braces.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Although a guy bought me a shot of fireball last wknd and I told him he wouldn't even get half a handjob for that and walked away so don't tell me I don't have standards
That's probably when I climbed a tree and told everyone I was an ornament
Yeah man, you were grinding with his wife, I wouldn't be worried about it
I've sent two unsolicited tit pictures in less than 24 hours. I'm the female version of a fuckboy.
Last night a drunk chick tried to lick me. If you are trying to lick the zombies, you are too drunk for the haunted house.
He was imitating a sprinkler when he started puking. Hence- vomit sprinkler. Some people just can't handle their tequila
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