i wanted to sleep on a waterbed so i filled up my bathtub so i could fall asleep in it...
We walked into the bar in The Flying V formation from The Mighty Ducks. We were ready.
good thing vaginas are great cup holders
all but 2 of were put on probation for disorderly conduct. i know, visiting a hospital when your drunk is really stupid but it seemed like such a good idea at the time
swear to god, "it seemed like a good idea at the time" is gonna be on your epitaph
Weekend has begun hello red wine at 10am on a Wednesday
It's only 8pm and Karl already got a stripper fired.
She's laying here with her head in my lap stoned, eating Doritos, whining about her boyfriend, and listening to Cher. Fuck the friend zone.
He made me sneak beer in the diaper bag... guess who is winning 2012 parents of the year
Seriously how many times do I have to sleep with him before he stops calling me dude
I was galloping around pretending to give birth to pbrs. I could have used a mask.
And we had three hours of crazy sex then his roommate ate pizza off me while I was sleeping.
Btw had an awesome time last night. Found some blood on my shirt and ear but I'll chalk it up to the tequila shots.
I'll never lecture you, go get that dick baby girl make momma proud,I didn't raise no quitter
He pulled out the guitar, sat in tub, and took requests while she puked her brains out in the toilet. I think he loves her.
Dude my cat is eating sugar cookies with me. No joke. My cat likes cookies.
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