I'm dreading the fact that when the dominoes guy comes, he will ask me if i placed an order under the name "high as shit".
He passed out while I was riding him, and just when I was about to call it quits he opens his eyes and squeezes my boobs and goes Honk! Honk!
Apparently last night drunk me put my phone in a cup of beer to make it "fun scented".
she's crying while babbling "all i do is win"
I'm a little nervous about this St. Patty's Day party. Seriously, we're still finding stuff from the Halloween party.
Whatever. I indirectly made you cum overseas. Call it even.
He said that he didn't know what level the sun was on, and then he puked.
You need a twittervention. You're better than this.
Can we please start going to the gym before I accidentally kill someone via explosive fat girl pants button accident
Are you okay?
I went home with a 38 year old guy in a kilt, do I look okay!
I swear to god if you keep eating my cats food drunk I am going to kick you out of our apartment.
after you got high, you started to make guac with your bare hands and said: "there's soda bubbles in my legs"
Hey I can officially say I made out with a drug lord.
Pretty sure we had a civil war reenactment in your kitchen at 4am.
That would explain the cannon.
Just as an add on, don't expect me to wear matching bra and underwear. If I do, I'm probably drunk and it's your fucking birthday. Have a great night.
Randomize
