the black eye was caused by a 12 year old girl in a vampire costume who punched you in the face after you aggresively screamed "TEAM JACOB!" in her face & howled at the moon...
All I know is I woke up next to her beside the toilet
Although last time you were unsure about someone they flipped a golf cart on me.
She told me that when she orgasms she just lays there like that baby from teenmom. Who the fuck says that
His words said "save me", but his penis said "I'll take my chances"
We just started the day with vitamin bombs. Daily vitamin + whatever's left in your glass from last night = feel like a champion
I just can't deal with that sentence
If I'm going to start compromising my butthole it's going to be for much better drugs than a ventolin
they adjusted my tv to black and white ... i thought i drank myself to colorblindness
Drunk packed a lunch. Made two turkey sandwiches and threw in a bag of raw bacon. Gold star for the day drunk self.
It also means I'm watching porn with mario earphones so i can hear. Possibly the best way to mastrabate EVER
You have all semester to unpack your car, quarter jello shots only last until 10.
How many nights in 2015 can we have no one get injured, run away crying, or get into a brawl?
I stopped him mid keg stand to show him how cute my bra was...
So is he the one who got away?
They all got away. I’m a catch and release kind of girl.
Just did the "lost my phone, need #'s" post and I got a text saying "go ahead and save me as Ashley-DD because I know you will anyway. I think I love her.
Randomize
