Sometimes, when I'm driving alone I talk to myself in a Russian accent so I think it's my mommy and it calms me down.
I'm pretty sure "Like A Prayer" will forever remind me of drunk nights & pants down around the ankles
Ive never seen someone more dtf than a soaking wet drunk girl who stumbles into your backyard.
Got 6 blowjobs in one weekend... new personal best.
whenever I think of his sister, I just picture a chick with a huge beard
I'm sitting in front of the mirror eating cereal and pondering how my boobs got so big
Welcome to my life
Definitely almost got hit in the face with a baby
Do you think he stole that soccer trophy that he gave you for the "best sweater award" from his five year old son?
I need to get a life, I am either crying at every glee episode or just wanting to blow rails off photos of us
Idk. It's not appealing to me. Like don't get me wrong, I love ur dick A LOT but I don't want to stare at it on an iPhone screen
Dude, tumbleweeds have been rolling through my bed lately. This is my dryest dry spell since I was married.
We probably are going to die. So. Thanks for agreeing to be my Maid of Honor even though I torture you.
Just to clear things up, yes you did lick the strippers butt
I know she’s pissed I fucked her husband, but I didn’t know he was married until after I blew him at Legoland
I just googled "how to blow an uncircumcised guy" and did serious research. That's how badly I want to fuck him.
You misuse your internet privileges.
Randomize
