Remember that night when i almost got you arrested? Is that funny yet?
okay I may or may not have wrapped my body pillow up in your t-shirt and sprayed it with your axe and am now spooning with it.
again? I'm starting to get a little creeped out now.
I now realize that they made gum to take the taste of dick out of your mouth.
i have to go- we're throwing the dummy from the balcony again
Sorry for trying to give you my dresser last night. Are any of the drawers still in your car?
I'm not sure which is more depressing, the fact that the hospital is making me put together a living will before surgery, or that all i'll be leaving behind is 25k in student loan debt
The chips are stabbing my teeth, and I can feel the muscle under my mouth contracting.
WHY DO I WANT TO FUCK EVERY GUY THAT BREATHES
driving home I had the GPS in one hand and puking in the coffee cup
So no more sangria road trips?
I wonder if a fish could survive in vodka
I could
U have successfully fucked my brains out. I just almost put deodorant on like chapstick
of course we called 911. an innocent mans booze was at steak
You insisted that your middle name was "velociraptor" for 20 minutes and every time someone said something you tried to relate it to velociraptors. That kind of drunk.
This is the third time this year I've whored myself for a Netflix login. If this guy changes his password, I'm gonna fucking give up.
Or maybe pay for Netflix?
I'm not that desperate yet.
Hes back in his dorm room dancing naked with 3D glasses on.
and he said that acid doesnt really do anything to him...
Randomize
