The guy dancing on me has three visible teeth. WHERE ARE YOU?
I just woke up and realized I puked in my boxers WTF.
You stay classy.
The worst part was I forgot until I tried to put them on.
He just stood there...Helen Keller and I could have had a more interesting conversation
and now I know what throwing up pineapple chunks is like.
Yeah, we had those soaking in vodka for like 36 hours
outstanding.
I just saw someone marching around outside wearing only a loincloth, dragging a fuckton of sheet metal. Spring has Sprung.
Nyquil jello-shots aiding in health and happiness
Does making ice cubes at 4 in the morning count as being productive?
It'll be a Christmas-Fucking-Miracle if we get through the ceremony without a groomsman vomming
She sucks dick like Beethoven on piano, but talking to her is like Simple Jack in Tropic Thunder. Still working out the pros vs cons list.
Well good for him for getting your number before he told you he had no money and needed you to pay for his drink!
A valentines day commercial would come on while I'm masturbating...
WHAT KIND OF SELF RESPECTING 28 YEAR OLD WOMAN WAKES UP IN A FRAT HOUSE?!?'
The cougar kind?
So what are you going to be for halloween?
A woman sitting on her couch watching Hocus Pocus.
sigh, if only his dick was as big as his mouth
On a brighter more disgusting note...... I think I just shart myself but I'm too afraid to find out.
Randomize
