it's like, God thought about making her pretty then changed his mind at the last second
So can we talk about how we all three made out with the bike taxi driver in lieu of paying him. I'm not even mad, that's resourceful. You know what married girls would have had to do? They'd have had to pay.
I traded the garbage men the rest of my handle for a ride home. Best. Walk. Of. Shame. Ever.
Me focusing on not shitting my pants is keeping me awake.
We kept trying to bring you to the hospital but you had a tantrum and kept saying you would never be Miss America
I'm gonna rob all up in that cradle
I'm trying to be all porn star and he's making it all The Notebook
There is a midget in cheetah face paint on a leash here
I feel like my sexual preferences are just another sign that I am a 75 year old drag queen in a 29 year old woman's body.
i need some magic done to my vagina
Probably yeah. I mean maybe one day we can be those friends that hang out naked. Not awkard at all.
HIS DICK IS SO AWESOME DUDE. 15/10 SURPRISE
And somehow i feel like your expectations will turn out to be illegal in some way.
I woke up at her place in a kids bed hearing Sesame Street. She doesn't have kids!
you can see where the duct tape was on my nipple
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